well, i've done it. i've done the big, scary thing. i sent a letter to someone very important in my life telling this person how much hurt they have caused over the years. this is very hard to do because the thought of hurting someone i love is almost unbearable to me. but this had to be done. so that i can move forward. i just sent the email and now i am waiting somewhat nervously for it to actually be delivered and read and then for the fallout. more on that later...
in other breaking news, it seems i am deciding to pull lauryn from her school. i've been feeling some angst about the "work" she's been bringing home for a couple of weeks now. i spoke to her teacher and the teacher seems like minded and she assured me that lauryn was only getting these exercises because the big kids got them and then the little ones felt left out so she'd just give them the worksheets for them to colour. (i'm talking match the numeral with the quantities, trace the letter, connect the dots - that kind of stuff.) now, you may or may not know that my very strong philosophy about early learning is that it should ALL be play - painting, playdough, water play, dress up, songs, finger plays, puppet shows and all that. no 3 year old should ever be given worksheets. EVER!! and when i compared what lauryn brought home with what the kids in my playgroup took home today i was sad. my playgroup kids took home multi-colored rice rainbow collages (they actually painted the rice themselves!!), drawings (doodles really) of their nature walk that we went on and a paint and crepe paper collage. we played with cups and floating balls and squeeky toys in the water today. THIS is the kind of stuff i want lauryn to be doing? so i keep asking myself why on bloody earth am i sending her to this $1300 per term montessori (ALLEGED montessori) programme when she could be having a blast with me for a LOT less?! because i'm scared to be her teacher. so i'm going to do a test next week and let her come to school with me to see how our relationship fares and i'm telling you i am inches away from pulling her from tambearly. i am really praying about this one. i'll keep you posted on that too.
funny story of the day: this morning i cooked lauryn her breakfast and brought it out for her. "come for breakfast mommy" i say to her. (i used to call her that all the time) she looked at me and said "did you call me mommy?" not without a hint of indignance, mind you. so i went back in the kitchen to get her milk and when i came back out she was seated at the table and she said "call my name LAURYN" just like that. so i said, "okay, your breakfast is ready LAURYN" and she said "gooooood." it was too funny! because it's exactly how the convo would have gone if the shoe were on the other foot. this girl is just too much.
okay, gray's anatomy is about to start. i must go. thanks for reading and sharing in my journey.
silence | clarity | honesty