Thursday, December 31, 2009

midnight blog snack

it's one oh seven AM. my kids and husband are sound asleep. so is the dog. and prolly the cat.

i am awake greedily devouring the silence in my house. so maybe it's more of a midnight feast. mm mmm good. i am half enjoying it.. well, more like 90% enjoying it and 10% fretting about the fact that is my rotation on the wake up tomorrow. :(

but it's worth it. sitting here and not being called. sitting here just sitting here.


there is a part of me that feels the need to explain away any possible appearance or perception on your part of ungratefulness for my kids. pish posh. i don't have to do that. you already KNOW i love my kids truly madly deeply. so... no. go to bed guilt monger! or at least have the decency to STFU at this hour of the morning. thank you.

so, where were we? oh yes. me stuffing myself to the rafters with the clock ticking and the air moving. me stuffing quiet into my pockets, my bra, my ears. me holding my nose and staying under as long as possible in this silence.

ohhhhhhh it is soooooo goooooooood.

that 10% worry factor grows with each tic toc however and to bed i must go. i now have about 6hrs of sleep to get. likely less with the 5.30am internal alarm with no reset button to be found. not even a stinkin snooze for crying out loud.

anyway - silence. me likey.

just going to pour some in my hair and brush my teeth with it and then it's off to bed for me.

munch munch swallow swallow burp. taste goooooooood....

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

a word is worth a thousand pictures

addicted to facebook as i am, it's given me a little ap that calculates the words most frequently used in my status updates this year. and status updates there were many. obviously i was totally unconscious that there would be some sort of word analysis software available at year's end and i am thankful for the results.

that is, the words i used most frequently provide an albeit rough sketch of the way i experienced the year. or is it possible that when i felt like crap i didn't post it? i doubt it because i'm usually pretty honest. usually.

the word "off" may seem a bit odd at first but that is me saying we or i am "off" to (do) this or that or the other. so it means we were "off" a lot! and i like that.

maybe 2009 has been a killer of a year financially, but thank God the hard parts were nicely cushioned between the good stuff. the stuff that matters, that counts.

and so i give you my own personal most frequently used (on facebook) in two thousand and nine:

1):happy - used 49 times
2):love - used 35 times
3):home - used 30 times
4):good - used 29 times
5):off - used 29 times
6):kids - used 28 times
7):thankful - used 25 times
8):great - used 24 times
9):today - used 24 times
10):feeling - used 22 times

i wish us all much happiness and love in our homes. good times and adventures. i wish our children voices that are heard and valued and meaningfulness in their beings. i wish us all gratitude. and may all our todays be great!

these things i wish for us all in two thousand and ten.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

the way we were ... er... learn

as lauryn gets older and i become more ... (what's the word? i know!)... and i get older, i start to see the parallels between us and i can't help but wonder if in some cosmic blessing-as-joke kind of way, i am not getting the chance to raise myself, as it were.

i may or may not have mentioned before that she abhors, detests, cannot stand being told what to do. it's like splashing cold water on a hot griddle. so inasmuch as i can afford her that luxury, i attempt more, well, gentle ways of inviting her to do things. this way we all have a much better experience.

it's taken me kind of longish to realize that - (sheepish demeanor here) - i feel the same way. (i have a particular disdain for arbitrary - read: stupid and pointless - rules.)

the other thing is that she also resists any form of direct instruction/teaching. any scenario that involves me using too many words to impart knowledge invariably ends with me noticing her glazed, distant eyes, trailing off and then abruptly (but not at all bitterly) changing the subject or plain old shutting up. she'd much rather find things out for herself. instead of me telling her about white blood cells, it was far better to watch the video animation (after video animation, after fun, interesting video animation) of how they work. instead of me telling her how to sound words out, it was and has been far better to give her the tools and let her decipher the code of written word for herself.

it's taken me kind of longish to realize that - (you, guessed it: sheepish demeanor here) - say it with me: i feel the same way too.


now isn't that better?

why yes. yes it is.

which causes me to wonder if i was as dreamy and loam fairy-like as she is. was i the kid who may have had feet on the ground but rarely had my head engaged in any thoughts about nitty gritty stuff like "reality"? rather, Other People's dull, boring, completely irrelevant to my experience Realities.

lauryn and i appear not only to be cut from the same cloth - but cut from the very same Bolt. mine has been patterned and cut and that's for the best.

but lauryn.

she gets a chance to find her own pattern, or not (!!). she gets to take her fabric and run with it. she has a rare and wonderful gem of an opportunity to do it frank sinatra style:

her way baby.

i watch her learn and i learn more every single day about the way both of us - alike but individuals - learn best. in revealing her self to me, she is gifting me in profound ways with glimpses into parts of my own, yet-unknown self.

i am conscious to watch for the potentially stifling pit fall of thinking she is me. of thinking i can somehow re-live my own history through her. this is Definitely Not About Me. sure, i get some speaking parts, but i'm not the lead in her story - She is. and, lucky for me, i have been given the role of producer.

this. this is a magnificent place to be. a wondrous (and i believe on going) experience of discovery of so very much that there is to learn out there.

and, equally (possibly more) important, in Here.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Activism 101

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
Press Release - Bahamas joins Global CandleLight for Climate Change
submitted by cian sawyer

As many people are aware, world leaders are in crucial talks during the next two weeks at the climate change conference in Copenhagen. This is a critical time in our history and environmental groups around the world are underscoring the need for ambitious international environmental policies to be formulated and implemented.

In a unique effort to tell our leaders that the world wants "The Real Deal" over 2,200 groups in 132 countries will be standing together in a Global Climate Vigils on Saturday December 12th, 2009 at or around 5.30pm (local time). Internet-based international activist group, - The World In Action, is orchestrating this initiative and helping groups coordinate their efforts. (

Organizers, cian sawyer and Margot Bethel will be hosting the only vigil in The Bahamas and one of the few vigils being held in the Caribbean. Their intention is to join in the global effort, create awareness in our local community and to send a message to our own government that climate change is a relevant and fundamental issue that must be addressed if we are to move forward as a nation. Regionally speaking, we will be lighting candles and standing together with our neighbours: the Domican Republic, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

The locally named Candlelight for Climate Change is being held this Saturday, December 12th at 5.30 pm in front of The Hub - easily identified by a "Think Green Bahamas" mural - on Bay Street. The group will meet, light candles and share information then walk down to Rawson Square and back to The Hub. Participants in the vigil can feel a part of something larger and profoundly significant, knowing that they are one of possibly tens of thousands lighting candles together around the world. Parents are being encouraged to include their children, as this movement is ultimately about the well being of theirs' and future generations.


Also - This link is for a relevant article that is being published internationally in many languages in news sources around the world. If you haven't already published it, I encourage you to do so.