Friday, January 15, 2010

on having a bad Here day

i'm yelling, lauryn's yelling, ryan's hitting. it's not good.

we've had a pretty good day up to this point but ... i dunno... feeling like i'd like to be There now instead. like later when the margaritas are made.

she fights me on everything sometimes. and nothing is ever good enough. that's how i feel anyway. i get x, she wanted y. i take her to a, she wished it was b or that so and so was there. go to the movies, buy candy. but why do we have go home? let's go again. (whine complain bitch moan).

i feel like i'm on survivor trying to form an alliance with her before the merge. that reference might be lost on some, but there's always google. (which you'll have to do if you want to keep following because i plan to milk that metaphor). so yeah, the merge. i feel like i'm trying to form alliances with both kids. hey, person, i'm on *your* side. i'm making wheels and deals for us! when that other tribe gets all mixed in, don't fall for their tricksie talk. and even if you do, i'll still be on your side. i'll never vote you off.

so it's not so much that i'm actually trying to convince them that i'm on their side because i think they know but sometimes they think that suggestions like, "maybe you oughtta take that off before you swim in the mud" are a secret plot to destroy them. "please be kind to your brother" is a vile and subversive attempt at brainwashing her into a mindless stupor. or a simple "ryan, pleeeeeease try this" (food that we are all sharing) is an effort to off him.

i think i gotta keep finding ways to allow. just allow. thanks to Scott Noelle over at Enjoy Parenting and his Daily Groove inspirational emails, I get little nuggets of wisdom to help me Be the change or the light I hope my children will access in themselves and reflect back to me.

For the most part, okay - SOME of the times- i am able to accept What Is. ryan doesn't have to eat, his body will tell him when and what to eat and i will keep offering him good healthy options to choose from. lauryn doesn't have to know where her toys are, they are just things and they will come back to her or end up where they are meant to be.



i've just turned my frown down side up.