Through a serious of un/fortunate events i have found myself exactly where i am right now. That is to say that I feel that my path/destiny/calling/vocation (any word here) has been and continues to be revealed to me. This is good. And hard. I believe I am on a journey that will cost me a great deal of tangibles in exchange for countless rewards of the intangible nature. For whatever reason, I have either chosen or been given this calling and it feels a bit strange.
It's hard to talk about without feeling like anyone listening is secretly rolling their eyes about me with anyone who makes eye contact with them simultaneously saying without saying "boy is she full of it!". Blah blah blah me me me. Come off it cian. Whatever. (All this hype and preamble, I am sure, isn't helping any so I'll get on with it already.)
No I'm not talking about being a mom, although we (mums) all know that to really mother means to trade a shit load of the tangibles for at least the 10th power amount of intangibles. Investing in the future, all that.
I feel like a strong passion about Education. Anybody who knows me well enough to know anything about me (that is, you have to have spent at least 30 minutes with me) knows that i really really really don't like what's happening in schools today. I firmly believe that the current methods of 'learnin our young'uns' is failing miserably. And hell, if you feel that way about something - guess what (Moses)? You'd better damn well get off your keester and DO SOMETHING for crying out loud! So that's what I"m doing: something.
I have a clear vision (mostly) about how my school will look. I mean the buildings (green, of course! (not the color, dufus)), the window placements (unless my learned architect says no way that's dumb), the property size, the class sizes, the children, the ... everything!
No frickin pigeon holing. No cramming heads with useless shit. No forcing kids to pretend to be mini CEO's sitting through ridiculously BO-RING meeting (read: class), after meeting, after meeting. No diagnosing every 2nd kid with AD-anything. No crap food. No pinning kids' personalities down under thumbs. NO. NO. NO.
Yes to teaching autonomy. Yes to engaging on every level. Yes to nurturing Mind Body and Spirit (No to religion!). Yes to artistic expression. Yes to creativity. Yes to finding your own way. Yes to excelling at what you like best! Yes to learning how to care for our environment. Yes to learning self respect. Yes to meditation and silent time. Yes to field trips galore! Yes to experimenting. Yes to failing and trying again. Yes to being WHO YOU ARE not who somebody else thinks you should be.
I've been praying again. And getting answers. (Thank you, Spencer Burke, thank you Brian McLaren, thank you Marianne Williamson, thank you Elizabeth Gilbert, thank you to Kristine Graham, Brandon Bays and The Journey) AND, I've been getting answers!!!. All of these people and more have facilitated my journey (no pun) out of the darkness of doubt and despair into the light of the truth of who we really are; who I really am.
Hamsa. I am That (which is divine)
And this knowledge, this Grace, this faith in the Love that dwells within me (and all of humanity - especially our children) is what propels me on to answer the call. So I stand at the bottom of a gigantic mountain, somewhat terrified about my climb to the top, but focusing on the step I need to make now.