Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Lactivist Alert

right. i guess i'm on a roll tonight.

still, i really HAD to share this with you. as you can imagine i am an advocate and supporter of human milk for human babies and the way to get this milk is the place where is made, stored, kept at optimum temperature, sanitary, and always ready to serve - from a mother's breasts (aka breastfeeding). (oh no! she said the "B" word!! shock!!! dismay!! ... whatever.)

so you can imagine my blood boiling confusion when i read this story about a mom - Leigh Bellini - who was being asked, no threatened, to leave the mall for nursing her baby or else. can you freaking believe this? (yes, i'm passionate and pissed. it's my blog and i'll cuss if i want to, cuss if i want to. you would cuss too if it happened to you!)

so keep abreast of the goings ons. this shit cannot go on.

Please take action

i am not going to go off on my soapbox tirade about the FDA (the EPA, the CDC etc.) and how they are simply puppets for american corporate giants.

i am going to ask you to please take action against the latest in a long line of questionable decisions taken by the FDA. this is the one where they are going to OK the selling of meat and other products from cloned animals, and not require any labelling to that effect. ri-goddamn-diculous. honestly.

please, you don't have to have a US address, just click here to send a letter to the right people.

signing off,
a very pissed of me

Monday, February 26, 2007

in sickness and in health

Lauryn is sick again. this morning at school, when we were on our way in from the playground, i noticed some grayish snot coming out of her nose (well, in all honesty it was actually already out and making a break for her top lip (EWWWW!!!)) and i thought "oh no. not again." and then not long after snack she had a mini pee accident (leakage, really) and i was changing her and she felt a bit warm to the touch and though i had tried to imagine every other reason why she would have watery eyes during snack time, i still didn't admit to myself that my little lauryn could be getting sick.

it wasn't until around 11:45 when she got up from 2nd snack and went to curl up in the kid sized couch that i finally took my one way trip back from de nile and said that she must be getting sick. :( poor dear. so she's been running the fever all day but thank god her spirit isn't suffering. she was outside blowing bubbles and everything.

funny story: yesterday we were at a birthday party for her two cousins (siblings) and she was in the bouncy castle having a grand time. so ryan went in to join the fun and to try and encourage him to jump, i started bouncing up and down on the outside to show him what to do. Lauryn then asked why i was jumping. i told her and she advised me that "you shouldn't jump mommy, b'cause you'll break your nummies." now, i had the sense to know that something interesting was coming and i did imagine that it might have to do with my 'nummies' - but the warning that i might break them had not at all occured to me.

[shaking my head]

this girl is too much. she really is my favorite girl ever!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

new blog

i've decided it's time for the god talk to have it's own forum. this is, after all - MilkShaken: ode to the joys and trials of being (a lactating goddess of) a mom to two young'uns. so you can find my spiritual, philosophical and theological ramblings at The Big Questions.

just thought you'd like to know.

imagine that

my little lauryn has the biggest imagination of any three year old i know. (and believe me, i know a lot!) she is always pretending something. she really likes it when we pretend that she's the mommy and i'm her doughta (that's how she prounces daughter). tonight she said i would be the 'lil girl'. and nathan was my brother. and ryan was my daddy. and she even makes sure i renounce my lactating facilities and abilities. a la: you have small nummies. and i have big nummies to nurse my babies. and you aren't nursing baby ryan (mean time whenever i AM nursing baby ryan i have to say that i'm not.) and god forbid i slip up and refer to myself as mommy. she has an outright panic attack and can't get the words out fast enough "no. i'm the.. the.. the.. i'm the.. the... mommy!! your the baby! and i have to apologise profusely and return to character as the baby.

she is also CONSTANTLY (i mean without ceasing in a biblical kind of way here folks) pretending that her stuffed animals are puppies or kittens. or, the latest, miracats (that's laurynese for meerkats, of course.) and i am always needed to hold or being given a nicely wrapped gift of a puppy or baby miracat to hold. "you can hold the baby, mommy. it's alright" she says like she's trying to reassure a scared child. that lauryn. she's something else.

she's really starting to take on a 'big sisterly' attitude about ryan. key word: starting. they are playing together a little more each day (well maybe each week is more like it.) so that's nice to see. it's a faint glimmer of a sparkle of what may yet be on the horizon for these two. solidly encased, of course, in the requisite sibling rivalry. just want to make sure you don't have pretty, fairy land like pictures with clouds around the edges; pictures of the kids laughing and running through a meadow, holding hands in the sunshine. it ain't like that. but the possibility of friendship and fun together is what i see and what i look forward to seeing more of. that she's calling him "ry-ry" is too cute to me. and sometimes if he's fussy she says to me "i think ryan wants to nurse mommy. you need to nurse him." i smile and shake my head to myself a little as i say:

thanks lauryn. thanks very much. :)

p.s. i just have to mention that she 'got married' the other night. to will (shock!!! they are like cats and dogs these two) and she even wore my 'klop-klop' shoes. (awwwwww).

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

un-mom friends

weather consciously or unconsiously, i have managed to end up with all mother friends. what i mean is that my social circle is made up almost entirely of women who are mothers. i have a few non-mom friends and i am now understanding why that happened/happens.

i just don't think that people without kids have even the faintest inkling of what it's like to have kids. just the way that men have no idea what it means to be a woman. or a black person doesn't know what it's like to be asian, for instance. the only difference between the mom and non-mom women is that this line is crossable. everyone who has children can remember the time when they would very confidently say to their other non-mom friends "when i have kids, i'll never let that happen" or "this is how my kid will behave". you know all that jazz. and now that we're on this side of the fence? phhh! right. we're all the perfect moms! aren't we dears? [capital N capital O capital T!!!]

sigh. it's just that i am not and have never been a very organised individual. call at a character flaw, bad personality trait, weak spot, achilles tendon - whatever. call it what you will - but that's me. of course i've tried all kinds of remedies but it seems to be in my very DNA coding. can you imagine an otherwise disorganised woman with two young children to raise and a part time job to boot? recipe for utter chaos! shaking my head honestly, all i can promise anyone is that i'll show up for my family always and for my friends whenever humanly possible and then the rest is a great big 'maybe'. let me bullet point it for you. my priorities are:

numero uno
. loving and caring for my family (blood and otherwise) and
. spiritual pursuits of love and wisdom (that's cianese for seeking God)

. friendship and community

. gainful employment

. serving in my church community

it used to just be god, family, ministry, work - but that was too cut and dried. plus if i was to be honest - and that's critical here - i had to switch 'ministry' and work because right now i really need the $$$.

anyway, all that to say: i love all my friends and i am grateful for the ones who know that i can't guarantee that i'll be anywhere but where i'm needed. and for the most part, that is with my two little babies who need me more than a non-mom (or even some other mothers) can understand.

this frustration that i feel at the lack of understanding on the non-mothers' part sometimes makes me feel like it's just not going to work (the friendship) but maybe i just need to help them realize that they really just don't have the faintest idea of the foggiest clue and they, therefore, have no right to judge me. can't handle the heat? eat fruit.

Monday, February 12, 2007

God Lite

have you seen these Google ads at the top???

i have GOT to quit with all the jesus and god talk! i mean, not that there's anything wrong with it but who knows what these links are at the top. Our Jesus Lord, Jesus Love???? seriously?

more on being a mom. i promise.

sick and tired

first it was dear lauryn - whom i've affectionately taken to calling Lallie - with a fever for three days straight then the cold-like stuff ensued. after she recovered it was me, no fever but i felt like crap for two and half days and then it was pretty much over. then poor little Ry-ry (as his sister calls him (awwwww)) got a fever on friday night and it didn't let up all weekend except for with drugs - which we kept adminstering faithfully because it was up to 104 at one point. ah-ah, mommy don't play dat. so against my usual disdain for drugs, legal and otherwise, we motrined and calpoled to keep him feeling 'comfy'.

so of course i went to the doc this am (missed yet another day of school) to find out that we only know what he doesn't have: a bacterial infection of any kind. could be the teeth. which is what my gut was very quietly and sheepishly saying in the corner all weekend. but teeth causing a 104 fever??? no way said my ridiculous 'common sense' side. i didn't mention that he also had diarrhea from tuesday to friday. that went for the sat and sun and came back today (mon). shit. no pun originally intended.

anyway, the canines on the top and bottom are coming and and it looks like the pre-molars could be busting through too. (shit! again). poor thing can't keep his fists out of his mouth. and he's drooling like rex in the noonday heat. no kidding. i feel so sorry for the poor thing. and for me too. no sleep!!! but what else is new?

so on that note, cian dahlin, it's 10:42 PEE EM. don't you think you should get your BUTT in BED ASAP??? duh. of course i do. but one more post first.

Monday, February 05, 2007

so it seems god is a colts fan, a christian (and possibly black?)

hurrah for the colts. hurrah for toni dungee (sp? too lazy to look right now). hurrah for black people. and for christian coaches too!! and thank god ?????

this is my problem with my intact but nevertheless fading theology: if tony dungi can thank god for bringing his team to victory - what does that mean about the other guy? whom toni himself claimed to be a christian too. i guess this means lovie smith is not one of god's favorite black coaches but tony is (??) why would god bring tony and not lovie? if the other guy was muslim and his team had won, would that them mean that god wasn't with tony and the colts? or worse, if the guy was a white guy who didn't even believe in god and he won - what then?

i don't think i'm saying what i mean here. it's just that whenever someone says ˆthank god for saving themˆ from or bringing them through and their neighbour is perishing or has perished or lost - is that in god's name too? stories of soldiers who wouldn't be here but for the love of god seem to imply that somehow that means that god didn't really love the other soldiers who died in the battlefield.

i don't know what all that means. i don't fault tony for thanking god. how could i? who else could he thank? (i mean besides the team, of course). the two best prayers i know (as i learned from Anne Lamott) are "thank you thank you thank you!" and "please help please help please help!" it's just that i don't understand. i mean obviously toni and lovie were both PRAYING for victory. why would god 'help' the colts and not the bears? or 'bless' (i use that term very vehhhhry loosely) toni and not lovie?

the implication in "thank God the colts won the superbowl spearheaded by a black, christian coach" is that these are the qualities that god is seeking in the people he helps. would one thank "love" for that stuff? don't think so. hmm... now the wheelse are starting off to a slow chug on my train of thought. i'll have to chew on that one.

please help please help please help!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

universalist, agnostic (ish), christ-follower

this sums up my position on spirituality at the moment. i believe in God, Whom I will refer to as Love from now on, cuz that just makes more sense to me. i believe Grace is available to every single human being so lovingly created by ths Love and as Spencer Burke put it (sort of) in A HERETIC'S GUIDE TO ETERNITY: grace is a miracle because it is not controlled, managed or dispensed by human beings or our religions. the way i see it, if you are seeking Love, you will encounter Love and Love will encounter you. for me Jesus' life was all about this love. for me, the LIFE of Jesus was critcally important. his way of life and loving was as close to perfect as i've heard or read about. i think his death was significant but i am not sure what it was really about. i think that's about something much bigger than i could think or imagine.

still, i have no certainties. i hold fast to no absolutes. i release religion. and the sense of liberation i feel is incredible! i am still not sure (as i said) about all that i believe. but i know what i don't believe anymore. i DO believe that everyone is in unless they choose to be out. i don't know what that means or how that looks. i DON'T believe that Love would condemn kind, gentle loving people all over the world (even not so kind or gentle but still seeking and sharing Love) because they didn't fit a very narrow set of rules that seem, for the most part, to have been created by us humans.

i mean, when did Jesus ever say that we should judge people and decide whether or not they would be getting to heaven? [scoff] fact is, he railed against religious people and all their ridiculous rules and institutionalization of faith. religious people (and i used to be one so i'm not casting stones so much as making an observation) are unable to see the forest for the trees right under their noses. but maybe they need to be given more grace and love than anyone else so they can recognize it a little more clearly. (someone i love dearly believes wholeheartedly that gay people cannot go to heaven NO MATTER WHAT. what TF is that about???? that's a hot button for me, obviously...) i digress.

i'm not claiming to have all the answers. or any answers for that matter. in fact, i mostly have questions. but the thing for me is that now that i have opened the doors and windows of my soul to let out the old dusty stuff i was holding on to, i have also allowed new fresh sun light and air in. and as long as one holds tightly to ones beliefs and (therefore to self-righteousness) it will be impossible to see or receive new truths. it's like saying - well i know everything i need to know thank you very much. i don't need to learn another new thing ever.

let's face it, reality - the universe, our lives, our ideas, our very bodies - are fluid and always changing. what was true two minutes ago is not true now. and as i evolve as a peson, a woman, a mother, a friend, as my own individual, so too does my concept of God. and for this i am eternally grateful. because i have glanced over my shoulder at the road that led me here and though it's been good, i do not want to go backwards on it.

silence and clarity are yours.