Tuesday, February 13, 2007

un-mom friends

weather consciously or unconsiously, i have managed to end up with all mother friends. what i mean is that my social circle is made up almost entirely of women who are mothers. i have a few non-mom friends and i am now understanding why that happened/happens.

i just don't think that people without kids have even the faintest inkling of what it's like to have kids. just the way that men have no idea what it means to be a woman. or a black person doesn't know what it's like to be asian, for instance. the only difference between the mom and non-mom women is that this line is crossable. everyone who has children can remember the time when they would very confidently say to their other non-mom friends "when i have kids, i'll never let that happen" or "this is how my kid will behave". you know all that jazz. and now that we're on this side of the fence? phhh! right. we're all the perfect moms! aren't we dears? [capital N capital O capital T!!!]

sigh. it's just that i am not and have never been a very organised individual. call at a character flaw, bad personality trait, weak spot, achilles tendon - whatever. call it what you will - but that's me. of course i've tried all kinds of remedies but it seems to be in my very DNA coding. can you imagine an otherwise disorganised woman with two young children to raise and a part time job to boot? recipe for utter chaos! shaking my head honestly, all i can promise anyone is that i'll show up for my family always and for my friends whenever humanly possible and then the rest is a great big 'maybe'. let me bullet point it for you. my priorities are:

numero uno
. loving and caring for my family (blood and otherwise) and
. spiritual pursuits of love and wisdom (that's cianese for seeking God)

. friendship and community

. gainful employment

. serving in my church community

it used to just be god, family, ministry, work - but that was too cut and dried. plus if i was to be honest - and that's critical here - i had to switch 'ministry' and work because right now i really need the $$$.

anyway, all that to say: i love all my friends and i am grateful for the ones who know that i can't guarantee that i'll be anywhere but where i'm needed. and for the most part, that is with my two little babies who need me more than a non-mom (or even some other mothers) can understand.

this frustration that i feel at the lack of understanding on the non-mothers' part sometimes makes me feel like it's just not going to work (the friendship) but maybe i just need to help them realize that they really just don't have the faintest idea of the foggiest clue and they, therefore, have no right to judge me. can't handle the heat? eat fruit.

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