okay, first of all - that picture i posted in the last log - !!!! kinda big, donchya think? i am fighting the urge to remove it. but this battle runs deep. the whole love yourself thing and don't freak out because you've posted a giant photo of your (albeit not terribly unattractive) self for the entire world to see. (delusions of granduer - only like three people actually come here but still...) anyway, i'm forcing myself to keep it up. it's not like i'll crack the computer screen or anything. (right?)
next thing - damn, i'm still tired!!! what TH? well, i have been getting up at six and going to bed at too-late-to-admit-it for over a week and therefore missing a helluvalot of sleep! (so, what's new?) anyway, this having tuesdays off is wicked bad the best thing i ever decided to do! (work wise, obviously). still i manage to sabotage the self and book all kinds of stuff for that day. tomorrow i agreed to see a client. and i must. poor dear is really having a tough road with the breastfeeding (gasp! shock! dismay even!) note: these sarcastic comments are directed squarely at the soft places of the "medical professionals" who are attennding and orchestrating hospital births not the poor mother who is left to struggle alone afterwards. especially those who like to slice women open for not such good reasons. (well, *sigh* it HAS been 30 whole minutes of labour and i DO have somewhere to be in like seven hours, so let's do what's best for "THE BABY" and get it out of there... scalpel?) what TF??? i am so sick unto death of these bloody doctors!
listen i am going - at some point when i've slept for some six years - to get my butt in gear and fight to have midwife attended births legal again in the bahamas! no shit. this is ri-GD-diculous!! i mean honestly. the other thing i want to do is educate women that we are actually not just vaginas and uteruses (or would that be uteri?) that these doctors can do whatever the hell the want to with. we are thinking, breathing, SCARED, but damed POWERFUL mothers to be who need actual personal care and attention. are not women tired of feeling like we are going through the whole process on a conveyor belt? apparently not tired enough. and what is the damn deal with the elective cesearean birth? women, get back to yourselves! take control of your birth and your mothering!
[*rapidly shaking my head from side to side*] whoa, did i just go there? that was not my intention. i was just planning to complain a bit - no TALK about feeling tired some more. i don't know where that came from! anyway as you can tell i'm pretty passionate about birth and breastfeeding. i imagine this is not the last time i'll climb up on that personal favorite soapbox of mine on this blog. ohhhhh noooo...
blah blah blah.
what i really want to talk about are some INCREDIBLE truths i learned on the weekend at a spirituality retreat (yes the woman who curses in her blog IS spiritual. go figure.) anyway, it was an Anthony Demello - Awareness retreat and man oh man. IN. CRE. DIBLE!!! the basic premise is that being present in your life - actually living in every single moment (not the past or the future) through breath, meditation/prayer - will bring you in touch with the Divine. that our breath is the expression of God's name (YHWH). which as christian says, makes perfect sense that S/He would have a name that transcends every language. (most of the time our thoughts are occupied by the past or the future as in: i will be happy when.. or i would be happy if ___ didn't happen... like that).
they talked about ther being only one commandment in two parts: old testment - love the lord your god with all your heart and new testement: love one another. but that this is not something to *try* to do except by practicing awareness of God each moment and through this developing a love for all of creation and seeing His/Her beauty in every living thing. especially our brothers and sisters. we are really all one. one breath. one creation.
i have zillions more to say about this but i must go. life beckons. (one cannot belabour everything in writing. life must be lived. at this very moment!)
silence | clarity | PRESENCE