Sunday, September 17, 2006

being ok in one's own skin

one of the things, just below spirituality, i would say that i strive to communicate/model/teach my kids in the course of parenting them is to be comfortable in their skin(s?). this is something many people, including me (big time) are pursuing as adults. and yes, i feel this is a natural course of growth and maturity, but i think it can be made easier by instilling a deep abiding security in our kids.

i really really want to be ok with myself and i'm working on that. but i've just had a few big conversations with two of my dearest friends in the world, one of them being my husband and the other being dts (cch, you too but you weren't here!) - and i am realising just how many unresovled "issues" i still have. and these convo's are leading me to - or i should say *causing* me to search for the reasons of the factors tha could or could not be behind all this. (is this making any sense???)

let me just come out and say it - being dark skinned and rubenesque are proving to be very difficult parts of myself to really embrace and LOVE. at any given point, in a room full of women, i invariably compare my size to everyone elses. in a room full of light skinned people that i don't know, i will most definitely feel a little uncomfortable and shifty inside. slightly inferior too. a double whammy for me is being a in a large group of light skinned, slimER women. (Note: by 'light skinned' i mean caucasian but i'm trying to steer away from calling people black or white because there are no such people.)

i realise that these are wholly and soully my OWN ISSUES. this has nothing to do with all these innocent people who would dare be thinner or lighter skinned than me.

all this to say, buck it, i am going to make dammed sure that my daughter (and son) know that no matter what - NO MATTER WHAT - they are beautiful people who deserve just the same as everyone else because we (all human beings and living beings for that matter) are all a part of the same whole.

yes i realise that they will face some 'adversity' on this 'in the real world' - but the fact is even if they wobble, the foundation will already be there. they will haved learned through experience about the god within and god without and recognise that they too are co-creators with Him/Her and that they are valued simply for being.

doesn't this hit the right tone? it's not perfect, but it's a start. and i guess all i need to do now is to open myself up to the same lessons i intend to share with my kids so that *i* can recognise my own value in the universe no matter how i look.

silence | clarity | love

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