warning: this is going to be honest and raw. reader discretion is advised.
okay - this morning nathan got up with the kids at 6:15 so i could sleep in. he came to wake me at 8 so he could go to the supermarket before we went to church. (honestly, i was sad.) and as i dragged myself to a state of wakefulness, i began to feel a kind of apprehensive feeling. i began to dread - yes dread - getting up out of the bed and facing my two [albeit darling] children. i didn't like that feeling. what was that about? i was scared to be alone with them. i was unwilling to 'face' dressing the two of them and myself while nathan was out doing [an albeit noble thing] the grocery shopping. i didn't even like to make those words in my head. what kind of mother, i asked myself, doesn't want to be with her kids???
now this is not the first time i've not wanted to be alone with them. that's pretty much all the time. for me, it's much easier to mother in community (usually with DST). am i alone in this? does every other mom on planet earth relish being alone at home with her two (or more) young children? i am trying to articulate to myself what exactly it is that i am afraid of. and i can't say for sure.
but i don't have the time to ponder that right now. i have to run. i'll chew on this and write another post.