sometimes i forget that i am not really obligated to anything. sometimes i say that i don't have a choice. but the fact is that i do. and for this i am very thankful.
i am choosing to nurse my toddler. i am choosing to work part-time to earn some extra income (to afford me more choice, by the way). i choose to stay or go. i choose to keep my children in bed with me. (well, lauryn in the room in her own bed). i choose to keep lauryn in my playgroup . (well, maybe i don't get to choose whether i want to be up at FIVE or SIX AM most mornings, but still i choose - usually - to be present with my children even though i'd much rather turn on the drug box (TV) and let them babysit themselves while i rest (phew, that was a long one!)). i choose to spend almost too much money on organic dairy so that lauryn will not need a bra at age 5. (or so i hope).
i choose all these things and more. and i take responsibility for my choices. i must. i want, after all, to have a say in my life.
so tonight, even though i have lofty yearnings to ponder st. nicholas at christmas or peggy o'mara's incredible editorial in this month's magazine, the sleep rests heavily upon my shoulders and my lids so i must answer it's intoxicating call and leave my thoughts at this: thank Goddess for the right to choose. may we all be able to recognise and actualize this gift that is inherently human. (my prayers for my brothers and sisters who cannot.)
silence | clarity | peace