i hope that's what the guy is singing in the song. that is the first title that came to mind when i was thinking of all the things that are circling in my head. i told nathan it feels like a dryer just tumbling these thoughts around and around and around.
i want to say a couple of things. first off is that this is a forum for me to speak my mind freely. and i understand that many of the things on my mind are very much outside the average 'mind status quo'. a friend called the other day and said that i attack everybody and everything on here. i told her that maybe i should post a disclaimer that unless you are willing to risk knowing lots of things that one might not want to know, then it might be best not to read my blog. (you want the truth? you can't handle the truth!!!)
on the heals of that, i want to say that there are not many universal truths. i.e. what is true for me may not be true for you and vice versa. the one UNIVERSAL truth in which i believe without a doubt is that we must love one another.
we had a life group meeting last night. the first one for this group. the title of this group is "the feminine face of God" and we are, of course, a group of women who are coming together to journey into the the balance - key word: BALANCE - between the feminine and masculine qualities of The Deity. why am i telling you this? ... because we are a very diverse group. most of us from a traditional christian background but not many of us still walking that path. my mum was here for the meeting and i feel - [she] as a strong christian woman - she may have been greatly offended by the thoughts expressed. particularly thoughts expressed by me. before last night she never really knew my spiritual journey or where i am at right now. and where i am at right now (i've been thinking about this since nathan took ryan this morning at 6:30 so i could 'sleep in', which i didn't - i THOUGHT in).. anyway i summarise where i am right now by saying that i believe wholeheartedly in the perfect love of Christ and i believe wholeheartedly in the Divine Spirit we call God and that S/he IS LOVE. i believe that human beings are called to reflect this love that is given so gracefully to us, to each other. basically the engaging, the experience and the expression of God/Christ's love. after that, everything is questions. and for me, this is a wonderful place. but i don't think that makes a lot of sense to my mother. i feel she may think that i have gone off the deep end.
i am wrestling with this feeling because i usually only say [to my mother] what i think she will be okay with. and last night was a HUGE moment for me because i was completely honest and now i am nervous about how she will respond. i am trying so hard not to be nervous. i can't find the root of the thought that is causing this feeling. but we'll see how it goes. she got up and walked out silently after the closing prayer and we haven't spoken since then as it was bedtime when all was said and done.
i know that God loves me. right now exactly as i am. i know that none of these thoughts or ideas or questions come as a surprise to Her. i know He can take it. i know that i am SAFE. i guess that is the feeling i want with my mom. that is the feeling i strive to instill in my children. that no matter what, they are safe from judgment with me.
and so are you my sister. so are you my brother.
silence | clarity | LOVE