Saturday, April 18, 2009

the light side of me

self deprecating used to be my M.O. i came to find it a loathsome activity - for my self and for everyone else's selves. it is fruitless, uncomfortable and harmful. nuff said.

i was thinking about how i have a hard time accepting compliments about myself that i find hard to believe. (like when i'm called "pretty". that is impossible to believe. not that i think that i'm ugly or anything. just not pretty. )

anyway. this is not going the way i had planned it. i wanted to wonder around the things that i happen to think are redeeming qualities. 'redeeming' i realize is a bit loaded. i just mean what i like about me. the things about cian that are a credit to cian and possibly the people around cian. (talking about my self in the third person is very odd.)

so here goes (in no particular order):

i love my smile. i think it's radiant. (good god, this is a bit embarrassing but it's an exercise.)
i love that people say they like hugging me. i haven even been told that hugging me feels like home. i like that.
my sense of humor is one of my best qualities.
i love how music moves me.
sometimes, i am a good listener.
i care about people.
i care a great deal about our earth.
my friends are my friends in the truest sense of the word.
i have a sense of adventure.
i really love my hair.
i think i'm a half decent writer (usually until i read someone else's! :)
i have an aptitude for languages.
i'm not a frilly girl. i like that about myself.
i am comfortable just being one of the guys.
your secret is safe with me.
children mean the world to me. all of them.
i am an intentional mother.
so far, i have given my children (the start of) a really great life.
when it comes to the 'big stuff', i don't often choose the easy way. (not sure why this is redeeming, but i think it says that i'm not afraid to risk the cost.)
i think i have beautiful brown skin.
i do not accept the status quo.
i have an open(ing) heart.
God dwells within me. (this is not my doing. the profundity of this cannot be understated. this is my Being.)
i really really love nature.
i have a soft spot for animals.
i am learning to identify and not-sweat the small stuff.
i have learned a tremendous amount of everything from reading.
i now find myself choosing kindness more often than not.
i really love a good time.
i am a pretty good dancer.
i like to cook.
i bake cookies (from scratch) for and with my children.
i am becoming more and more unafraid with each sweep of the second hand. this is good.
Love permeates my life in all possible shapes, forms, dimensions and intangibles.
i am unyieldingly in love with, and committed to my husband, my best Best friend.
beauty reveals herself to me everywhere through all my senses.
i really love growing older. and though i have no regrets, i would not go back in time to gain 'youthfulness'.
i do not regret.

not even this.

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