hey it's perfect mom me back from la-la land. back to reality. the reality where i am actually sometimes a monster of a mom. it's really hard for me to admit this into vast open space for everyone one to see, but transparency makes it better for others. (right?) anyway, i had a crappy morning and lauryn was (unintentionally) driving me crazy. a million zillion questions, 90% of which were the single, three letter word question: why? or actually, she says "'cause why?"
it was only about 930 when my little red i-have-had-enough-of-this light started blinking with increasing speed and intensity. 930 AM and i was done. how awful am i?
it was just one of those days when every. single. dogvomit thing was a huge BATTLE! you ever have one of those? is the pope still catholic?
so all this to say that by the time we arrived at our destination at 1145 and i had parked the car and looked around at lauryn and saw her oozing green nose (yummy!) after i had TOLD her to GET A TISSUE AND WIPE IT before we left the house, i snapped like a dry twig. and i said to her, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO WIPE YOUR NOSE BEFORE WE LEFT THE HOUSE, LAURYN?! and i grabbed a wipe with all kinds of malicious intent and reached around to wipe her face. but she pre-empted me and her hand shot up to her face where she began to use the back of her hand to drag that yummy goodness across her cheek. did i already say that i had snapped? because that was a lie. it was at this point that i growled at her and almost screamed: NO!!!!!!!!!!! and she froze. then i tried to wipe the crap off her face and she pulled back (snap! growl.) GIVE YOUR FACE TO ME!!!
can you imagine the scene? and literally, within seconds she was talking and acting like nothing had transpired between us. i mean, about 3 seconds. is she really that forgiving? that innocent? can she actually just let go like that? or will this come up in 20 years on a doctor's couch?
i really hate when i act like that. i was running it over and over again on the loop in my mind for hours after. feeling awful. but then i followed suit and forgave me. i think everyone involved knows i'm not actually evil. not perfect. but not evil either. how about you?