Wednesday, March 21, 2007

what the hell do i know?

less than six months away from my big 30th birthday, i ask the question: how come life still feels so much like trial and error? will i ever be able to make good, sound decisions? is there ever a time when one has 20/20 foresight?

i am at odds with living in the moment and planning for the future. can one even do that? small, slow sigh

i just told nathan that i can't wait to be forty. translation: i look forward to the day when i'll feel like i actually know something about what i'm doing.

to buy a house or not to buy a house?
where should our kids go to school?
should i start my own school?
when we will ever be in any sort of financial homeostatis?
how can i share in a practical way that doesn't feel like too much for me?

[more sighing]

the list goes on and on. the answer?

be

here

now

that's a tough one.

1 comment:

seeward said...

sorry to hear about your emergency - i hope you are recovering well!
Your post reminded me of the words of aldus huxley at the end of his life - he said after a lifetime of searching and thinking and trying to work out the deeper stable truths about life - it is humbling to be on your deathbed and not have anything more substantial to share, in the way of wisdom, than 'try to be a little kinder"

that sums it up for me - you are right that the trick is 'be here now'

a hard one to learn but it is possible to learn.