so it seems god is a colts fan, a christian (and possibly black?)

hurrah for the colts. hurrah for toni dungee (sp? too lazy to look right now). hurrah for black people. and for christian coaches too!! and thank god ?????

this is my problem with my intact but nevertheless fading theology: if tony dungi can thank god for bringing his team to victory - what does that mean about the other guy? whom toni himself claimed to be a christian too. i guess this means lovie smith is not one of god's favorite black coaches but tony is (??) why would god bring tony and not lovie? if the other guy was muslim and his team had won, would that them mean that god wasn't with tony and the colts? or worse, if the guy was a white guy who didn't even believe in god and he won - what then?

i don't think i'm saying what i mean here. it's just that whenever someone says ˆthank god for saving themˆ from or bringing them through and their neighbour is perishing or has perished or lost - is that in god's name too? stories of soldiers who wouldn't be here but for the love of god seem to imply that somehow that means that god didn't really love the other soldiers who died in the battlefield.

i don't know what all that means. i don't fault tony for thanking god. how could i? who else could he thank? (i mean besides the team, of course). the two best prayers i know (as i learned from Anne Lamott) are "thank you thank you thank you!" and "please help please help please help!" it's just that i don't understand. i mean obviously toni and lovie were both PRAYING for victory. why would god 'help' the colts and not the bears? or 'bless' (i use that term very vehhhhry loosely) toni and not lovie?

the implication in "thank God the colts won the superbowl spearheaded by a black, christian coach" is that these are the qualities that god is seeking in the people he helps. would one thank "love" for that stuff? don't think so. hmm... now the wheelse are starting off to a slow chug on my train of thought. i'll have to chew on that one.

please help please help please help!

universalist, agnostic (ish), christ-follower

this sums up my position on spirituality at the moment. i believe in God, Whom I will refer to as Love from now on, cuz that just makes more sense to me. i believe Grace is available to every single human being so lovingly created by ths Love and as Spencer Burke put it (sort of) in A HERETIC'S GUIDE TO ETERNITY: grace is a miracle because it is not controlled, managed or dispensed by human beings or our religions. the way i see it, if you are seeking Love, you will encounter Love and Love will encounter you. for me Jesus' life was all about this love. for me, the LIFE of Jesus was critcally important. his way of life and loving was as close to perfect as i've heard or read about. i think his death was significant but i am not sure what it was really about. i think that's about something much bigger than i could think or imagine.

still, i have no certainties. i hold fast to no absolutes. i release religion. and the sense of liberation i feel is incredible! i am still not sure (as i said) about all that i believe. but i know what i don't believe anymore. i DO believe that everyone is in unless they choose to be out. i don't know what that means or how that looks. i DON'T believe that Love would condemn kind, gentle loving people all over the world (even not so kind or gentle but still seeking and sharing Love) because they didn't fit a very narrow set of rules that seem, for the most part, to have been created by us humans.

i mean, when did Jesus ever say that we should judge people and decide whether or not they would be getting to heaven? [scoff] fact is, he railed against religious people and all their ridiculous rules and institutionalization of faith. religious people (and i used to be one so i'm not casting stones so much as making an observation) are unable to see the forest for the trees right under their noses. but maybe they need to be given more grace and love than anyone else so they can recognize it a little more clearly. (someone i love dearly believes wholeheartedly that gay people cannot go to heaven NO MATTER WHAT. what TF is that about???? that's a hot button for me, obviously...) i digress.

i'm not claiming to have all the answers. or any answers for that matter. in fact, i mostly have questions. but the thing for me is that now that i have opened the doors and windows of my soul to let out the old dusty stuff i was holding on to, i have also allowed new fresh sun light and air in. and as long as one holds tightly to ones beliefs and (therefore to self-righteousness) it will be impossible to see or receive new truths. it's like saying - well i know everything i need to know thank you very much. i don't need to learn another new thing ever.

let's face it, reality - the universe, our lives, our ideas, our very bodies - are fluid and always changing. what was true two minutes ago is not true now. and as i evolve as a peson, a woman, a mother, a friend, as my own individual, so too does my concept of God. and for this i am eternally grateful. because i have glanced over my shoulder at the road that led me here and though it's been good, i do not want to go backwards on it.

silence and clarity are yours.