and the walls come crashing down

i feel like weeping.

i really do.

here i was going along thinking that i have been doing a good job (for the most part) raising my children. all the while doing to my daughter exactly what was done to me but in a different way.

i don't really want to go into my own VERY unhealthy relationship with food. i don't. it's too depressing.

but i really really believed that i was doing the right thing by withholding crap from my children. i thought it would teach them how to eat and appreciate healthy foods. this admission is very difficult for me. that i've done a very shitty job these last 5 years. i didn't know. i just didn't know.

what else have i been doing wrong?

i guess i'll be spending the next few days over at Sandra Dodd learning and unlearning about how to be a better mom.

this is so so sad for me. i hope i can change (myself).