p.s.

i just re-read my post below and realized i managed to make myself sound like i magically morphed into the perfect parent over-paragraph. (NAAAAT!!!)

just this morning is yelled out the door "JESUS H. CHRIST LAURYN! GET INSIDE NOW!!!

i felt i needed to clarify that. and also to confess that i've moved from calling ryan "baby jesus" to calling him "baby pontious pilate". not good.

holy mary, buddah, allah, jah, jehovah, yeshua - everybody! - pray for me now and at the hour of my yelling. amen.

Parenting Is ... (i've got it all figured out, donchayknow?)

my close friend and co-mother deborah and i were talking about the uphill struggle(s) of parenting small children. and we asked questions that were mostly rhetorical but actually stumbled on some helpful answers that came to us from whom i will call our "spirit guides".

she asked "why does anyone actually have children?" and the answer that came to me even as i spoke the words in response was this: (now you have to imagine the clouds parting and god-light rays shining down upon us as we stood, somewhat forlorn and tired in the doorway talking)

it is the most tangible way to change the world.

(and cut!) the angels stopped their otherworldly chorus.

okay so it's not the most brilliant bloody answer in the world, but it helped a little.

the second question was how much of the actual mechanics of parenting was meant to be enjoyable. you know: the ridiculous before-god wake ups, the packing of lunch (picture any mom standing in front of the fridge/cupboard trying to figure out what to put in the box TODAY), the night waking, the tantrums, the baths and unpredictable dinner service (will he eat THIS no? okay. yogurt?), the whole nine yards. how much of that does the average mom enjoy?

well, let me be francesca: not that much.

i like the parts where there are kisses and hugs, laughter and fun, adventures and funny quotes. i like the bonding of nursing my children. i like watching them discover. i sometimes like baking and/or cooking with Lauryn (when i'm not yelling at her about what it really means to HELP MOMMY, dammit!) that kind of stuff.

so i said (queue angels and god-light): that parenting is like farming. a whole lotta waking up at dark thirty. a whole lotta manual labor. sweat of your brow, that kinda thing. a whole lotta watching over and tending to. and then there are the bountiful rewards. the beauty of fresh and perfect. the moments when you know why the dark thirty - or just accept it. the times when the sound of whining and bodies hitting the floor in frustration are far, far, far away from your thoughts. when you child laughs and your heart sings.

so keep on farming and changing the world one hug at a time.

one too many

even though i don't actually feel like i'm dying, i keep thinking that i feel like i'm dying.

today has been the last in a long line of difficult days spanning the last - oh, three or four years. they've not been all in a row mind you. or else i would most definitely be ashes by now. just this was a hard one.

i feel heavy inside like someone snuck up and attached rocks to the shoe laces on my heart. but why? why?

to be honest it's just one of those days where parenting feels like a continuous uphill struggle. one of those days with two, possibly eight too many meltdowns and tantrums. one too many times when i wondered 'how the hell are we going to pay for that?' one too many times when i felt like i'd suddenly been plopped in the middle of no-trucking-where and left with two screaming toddlers attached to my legs. one too many moments where i felt like one person cannot possibly be needed this (GD) much.

i wish i had the answers. i wish i knew everything. i wish parenting could be downloaded into my head. i wish i had enough to pay for the things i think i need. like four new tires and a mechanic to look at that awful bumping sound the car makes when you veer left.

jesus this is hard. but just today. just today.

for me, this has been one hard day too many.


but.



i am gonna pull up my bootstraps (or laces or whatever the hell - maybe shoe buckles, or really stick that velcro closure, that would be the easiest option) and do it all again tomorrow. with vim and vigor. with grace and love. with the knowledge that i have everything i need to do right now. and that that is all i really need.

deep breath in.

and out.

hi, i'm mary and these are my baby jesuses

i have to preface my story by saying that i believe that jesus was some special kinda guy. to say the least. i really think his whole message was "look, this (pointing at himself) is YOU! no, really." that is to say, we are all jesus. we all have that potential. so in that light, i have taken to calling my children - my son in particular - baby jesus.

the reason i do that is because he is actually very difficult to not kill sometimes. i've called him a great many names, but i think that calling him 'baby jesus' will really help me to preserve his well being.

i mean... you know those times when your two year old son .. (hmm? what's that? you don't have a two year old son? my bad. (god it must be nice to have your sanity though, isn't it)).. ehem, as i was saying: you know thos times when MY two year old son grabs every single soliatary thing he can reach (including bottles, remotes, dish brushes, KNIVES, that kinda thing) and runs off and then throws it down on the floor? or when he pulls his sister's hair and grabs the toys she's TRYING to play with just to aggravate her (oh yes, he's calcuating). or when he just says mommy about 367,295,235 times a minute. OR the times when he knocks you - i mean ME - squarely in the eye with his knee or head? well, it's times like those - especially two or three of those random incidents in a row or all together at the same time - that just, well, let's say cause me to have "unhappy" thoughts about my son.

however since the very inspired idea, i have found that i can look below the evilness and see that there really is a pure love underneath it all. i'm sorry, did i say "evilness"? ha ha. silly me, i mean to say "very developmentally appropriate toddler behavior". slip of the fingers there.

though, i'm not sure how helpful it is when i call him 'crazy jesus' under my breath...

(hmm)

chew chew snore

one night ryan was SO tired he could hardly stay awake (we've all seen that before!) but i just wanted to share the video of that. worth a smile at least. :)

One Minute Shift

God's living room

at the dinner table tonight we sat and held hands to pray, like we always do. and lauryn says the prayer (kinda like she always does) and it went a little something like this:

God is good. Thank you for having us. God is in our hearts and in the sky and has really big furniture... (of course me and nathan start to laugh to ourselves then she outs us and says) ... and thank you for giggling... and for ponies and... it goes on for a while with random things and we finally have to sort of encourage her to end.

i just had to tell you about God's really big furniture in the sky. i thought that was funny.

fuming at fumento

i tried to email this letter to mr. fumento but it was returned to me. i feel i have no other choice but to write this open letter on my own blog. (hope you've found this, sir.)

mr. fumento,

re: http://www.fumento.com/disease/thimerosal.html

as a parent who opposes the widespread and irresponsible administration of vaccinations, i came to your site to hear from the other side of the debate. (could it be true that thimersol is not at all harmful???)

i was willing and prepared to read your article about thimersol until i scrolled down and saw the photo you placed of Jenny McCarthy, indicating that her intellectual capacity was the same as her bra size.

how can anyone with even the tiniest amount of their own intellectual capacity take you seriously when you would use such immature and childish tactics to comment on your disapproval of Ms. McCarthy's opinions?

you may actually know what you're talking about, i give you that. but you show a complete lack of respect for other people's right to their opinion, and, by so doing, have forfeited your own.

why am i writing this tirade? you may delete this and never give it another thought. which would be expected.

i think i am hoping to show you that character assassination is not the way to promote your truth. disagree with ms. mccarthy if you choose. but please refrain from digging up old realities in an effort to frame a new one the way you want it to be seen. that is not the way of truth.

cts

On Being Odorous

i smell like rained-on-dirt, onions and crushed leaves.

at least, my armpits do.

and it doesn't really bother me (like i would think it would). maybe i was french in a former life. who knows? but i'm starting to feel like we try too hard to smell like not the earth. i mean, granted, i don't think i'd want to smell everyone with that particular "color" body aroma all the time but on the flip side of that: the obsessive compulsive drive to smell like gardenias and jasmine and floaty yellow things has to be balanced somewhere with the acceptance of our rise from the brown earthiness from which all these other things grow too.

body odor, like so many other culturally uncomfortable things, are a part of life. one more thing to mask and cover up to pretend that we are flowers instead of people.

just a thought...

one of the classics

first of all, i get the feeling that this post is really just something for me to read in a month or two when i have nothing to do and i feel like reading my own writing.

however, if you are not me and you're reading this - that's pretty amazing! welcome.

i just had to share the latest and greatest story as moms often do. and this way i'm not stopping every living, breathing thing to 'share' my oh-so-special story. it's just here and readily available to anyone who wants to know.

okay, setting the scene: wednesday morning, the little schoolhouse, nassau

it was circle time and miss helen was introducing the new topic of the week: compassion. does anybody know what compassion is? she asked. in her words: lauryn's hand shot up immediately. she thinks to herself oh, maybe she really does know what compassion is.

yes, lauryn? what is compassion?

I KNOW! says lauryn with all the enthusiasm and confidence of a brilliant mad-scientist four year old.

it's when you're allergic to somebody. she proudly announces.

in the other room, principal/kindergarten teacher - miss kara - laughs out loud: now that's a classic!

and in the sawyer household: it IS.

leapster CrapStart

i'm about to go can-a-whoop-a$$ on the Leap Frog family of products, just so you know. (like you couldn't tell from my title.)

so i just watched an ad on TV for this leap frog "clickstart" (the title [of this entry] is clickable so you can see the product i'm wail on) and was - once again - disgusted by the shit that is going on with kids today. so the scene is a young boy, about age 3-ish and he's playing on this toy computer. the mom comes up and starts telling him that what he's really doing is learning his shapes. NAAAH! says the boy. the mom presses and tells him he's learning his colors (or something like that) and he says NAAAAAH! and still she pushes and says oh yes, you are learning (get ready for this, it's the big one)

all the stuff you're gonna need for preschool.

did you get that folks? stuff he's going to need FOR preschool.

are these people for real?? SERIOUSLY?! now we need to get our kids "ready for preschool"? it's PRE. SCHOOL. as in: previous to school. the dictionary defines "pre" as: prefix occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, where it meant “before” (preclude; prevent); applied freely as a prefix, with the meanings “prior to,” “in advance of,” “early,” “beforehand,” “before,” “in front of,” and with other figurative meanings (preschool; prewar; prepay: preoral; prefrontal)..

and school (which has many definitions but i've chosen the most applicable) as: 1. an institution where instruction is given, esp. to persons under college age: [eg.] The children are at school. and 2. any place, situation, etc. tending to teach anything.


now we need to get our kids READY for the school they go to, to get ready for more school? so now they need to have all their shapes, colors, numbers and letters down before they go the place that's already teaching this stuff way too early. this is just GREAT.

"Timmy, no pressure or anything but you need to make sure you are at the top of your game for preschool. Can't be a slacker, you know. It's tough out there... So how about them shapes and numbers then." And the best part? Mommy doesn't have to be around.

Now, I can't wag my finger too hard at parents who need a break and employ the EBS (electronic baby-sitter) because that's what NOGGIN does for me more often than I care to admit. But my agenda is not to have the kids "learn something" from watching TV. we all know TV kills brains! (to be honest, it keeps ryan out of my hair for a few moments of peace and no-injuries-involved quiet.) and parents are fooling themselves if they think that buying these ridiculous battery operated "teachers" for their kids is going to help them any. i don't know (m)any adults that absolutely LOVE being attended to by automated, mechanical voices for mere seconds on the phone, let alone that grating robotic voice being your company and entertainment all day. kids need SO SO SO much more than toys that are supposed to teach them something. truth is they don't need that AT ALL. rather toys that will water and fertilize their very ripe imagination.

kids are not people with empty head that need to be filled!!! they have so much to offer our world. they need to be engaged, heard and respected as individuals.

A.S. Neil, founder of The Summerhill School best summarises my not humble enough opinion on what kids really need to foster optimum growth and development of the whole person. (please click the link and read the page. it's well worth it!)

parents, PLEASE - give your kids the best start: ludicrous, ridiculous, scandalous, perposterous, illogical unheard of amounts of unstructured PLAY, PLAY and MORE PLAY! trust me - it's ALL they need!!!

for me, my goal as a parent is not to have (raised) the smartest (= richest) adult on the block, but instead the most whole, happy, well-adjusted, loving, kind person s/he can be. and if my kids are happy 'sweeping streets' (to quote Neil), then so be it. can you imagine what we could do for the next generation if we stop perpetuating the lie that more money = more happiness?

house in a good neighborhood: $300,000
decent transportation: $20,000
being comfortable in your own skin:

priceless.

Ayudame! Rarrr, rarrrr!

Quoted verbatim from my dear son's cries for help this morning as he was helplessly trapped in the dreaded high chair. I sat scarfing my own breakfast when he had finished his and began to call out for help. "Help! Help! Ayudame! Rarrr, rarrr!" (this is the baby jaguar growl, by the way). While I did, indeed, find his situation quite amusing - i was not moved to rush to his aid as I knew it meant that he would then be scaling the mommy mountain to achieve greatness and also a little attention.

On the dark side...

I am stuck knee deep in the thick, quick-sand like mud of unknowing. What am I supposed to do about my stunt double of a a son's infatuation with hitting, pushing and biting people? This, for him, is like joyriding on a Friday night. The only book I have looked at speaks to addressing behaviors like these expressed in frustration on the child's part, but he's as happy as a clam when he's injuring and maming. "NO Baby Ryannnnnnnnnn!" cries sister Lauryn after being hit or pushed for the millionth time that minute. I mean, honestly. How many times can i FIRMLY say (without yelling (98, no 90% of the time)): "RYAN. NO HITTING (pushing, biting)!!!" (even as i type, nathan is out in the living room saying the same "ryan" i use as preventative harmony maintenance.)

Still, he's so funny. He just came in here and told me that he's really fast. As in "Mommy! I ree faaas," But I really DON'T know what to do with his socially unacceptable behavior. is this a phase? Will it pass before his 20th birthday? is there a chance that I could actually pinch (twist, that is) his ear OFF his head? I used to pinch his ear but that was funny to him (sad to Lauryn - go figure) until Nathan demonstrated the evil demon twist and damn near killed me, then i started doing that to ryan. But even that doesn't help. He'll recover from the weeping and wailing and nail someone (innocent bystanders, kids.. whoever!) without remorse.

Hmmm.

Lauryn in the meantime, is absolutely LOVING the little summer camp I've been doing for the past two weeks from the adjoining (or adjourning, according to the Bahamian classifieds) flat. I have to say that I am also really enjoying the group of kids that have been coming to play.

She's so excited about her upcoming birthday. Everything she sees that she'd like to have (yay, capitalism!), she asks if she can have it for her birthday. And I say "sure, dahling". Even though you and I know she's only getting one thing. But it's gonna big a BIG one thing. We're getting a puppy!!!! Not just for her birthday but for other reasons as well. Namely that we (I) really like the idea of a family pet and we need a presence in our yard at night to keep the jonesers (street people) that wonder through our area OUT. They already stole the gas tank off the grill that was sitting by the laundry room.

So, with all the birthdays coming up, I'm sure we're in for some exciting times next month.

If anyone at all reads this (besides me in a couple weeks), I would love some tips or advice if you've had personal experience with hitters/biters.

Until next time (hopefully not bloody OCTOBER!).

let it all hang out. ;)

summer '07 - so far so good

so we're rounding third base for july and we've been having a great summer!

we had our little trip to FL to visit Grandma Peeches for her 50th b-day and that was lovely. And since we got back on the 2nd of this month we've been to the pool or beach what feels like almost every day. (did u get that?) Lauryn is getting her lovely summer brown on. Ry is getting his summer brownER and so am i.

we've had one notable incident though. and that is that lauryn has since recieved two haircuts! TWO haircuts? yes, t-w-o: 2! The first was by her dear friend Will. And the second was by a kind professional who finished up what Will started. The story: Deborah, Alison and I were sitting and chatting (at D's house) and having a lovely visit when Lauryn came out from Wills room grinning eager beaver grins from ear to ear. Look, Mom! She proudly said as she stood not 2 feet from my face. I began to dole out the usual mommy praises (read artificial enthusiasm) for her hair so neatly combed back and then -

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deborah and i saw it at the exact moment together. so make that a double AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Poor Alison was bewildered and confused thinkign something must be desperately wrong (injuries, big scary bugs and such delights). Meanwhile Deborah was up like a bolt and in the room like a flash. Where she found Will, scissors and big clumps of dark curls resting somewhat menacingly on the floor.

I sat fingering the spot that used to be lauryn's hair. It wasn't shorn but it was low. He had basically trimmed all the hair around her face. Mostly the top (giving bangs, i guess) and taken a few bits off the sides. or so we thought... Then i opened up her plait and started finding many more yet unfallen clumps. oh, it was sad saad saaad. but still we managed to giggle under our breaths as we admonished the non-haircutting rules with sternish faces and pointing fingers waving.

righteous retribution? i asked Deborah. After all, Lauryn did cut Sagey's hair a couple of months back. And she (Sagey) ended up with a mangled version of a half mullet on one side. But there were, thankfully, silver linings to be had. Sagey's fix turned out to be a super cute cut that we all ADORE! And lauryn now has 'fringes' in the front which makes it waysuperawesome better for with the swimming because she doesn't have all that hair in her face. (her hair grows forward, you see.)

it seems this whole hair chop thing is a sort of right of passage for young girls everywhere. i, myself, carved out a little patch at the front of my head when i wanted bangs as a little girl of four.

alas, we think it's kind of the story of the summer (so far, fingers crossed) and look forward to splish splashing much much more in the weeks ahead. hopefully i will dig up another nugget of time where i can post again in the near future. until then, live long and prosper. (goofy star trek sign here)

shameless plug (II)

like the overstressed, overtired mom who forgets to take her pill, i have started yet another blog. (sad, sad, sad)

but there were things i wanted to talk about that didn't fit either of the forums of my first two. so, welcome into the family the newest blog Live! From the Fan.

if you are sensitive (yeah right), watch out - i actually spell out the words i've been abbreviating here. (WTF etc.) just to give fair warning is all.

see you around!

Marker my words

so, the most recent in the long string of dramas and events that make up my mothering journey (good lord, is it really like that? drama to drama? not really no but it sounds SO much more interesting when i say it like that, doesn't it?) ... where was i? oh yes the mothering journey. well, the most recent event was quite - how shall i say? - traumatizing. yes, traumatizing - that's good. the thing wasn't good but the term is quite appropriate.

so what's this major drama? pull up your chair and sit awhile partners. it's storytellin' time.

my darling daughter was at a our second home (everybody knows whose house i'm talking about) and while i was taking a little 'nap' she got into some trouble. got into? no she made some trouble. she had been graffiti-ing on the two newly bought, newly painted chests of drawers with chalk (thank god!) and she got caught by dear Janet. she was told in no uncertain terms NOT to do that - DON'T WRITE ON THE DRAWERS! - because it was naughty and then the chalk was cleaned off the drawers. that was that. she was left to her own - well behaved - devices...

well, somehow - maybe through black magic or something - she found a RED MARKER.

stop.

no really, stop.

i said RED MARKER.

oh i know you know what happened next. but you have NO idea how much it happened. it happened all over the front of the tall one - i mean every drawer face - and a little 'footnote' in the form of a huge pointy roundish something with a little friend beside it on the front of one drawer on the small chest of drawers.

all this was completely unbeknownst to me even after i woke up and took 20 minutes to gather my children, NOTICE and remark on the red marker on her clothes, and leave. it wasn't till later that dearest deborah called to talk to me about it that i even had the foggiest clue of what had happened.













(all that space is shocked, stony, angry silence)











i was really pissed. so i waited till the next morning to speak to lauryn about it.

WTF, Lauryn?

she said she wanted to make it beautiful. but why did you do it after your were told not to?
because it was too much fun to stop.

do you see the psychological warfare i'm up against here people? these are comparable to WMD's!

of course i get it that she's only almost four. but she still needed her to know that it was completelty unacceptable. so she got a good stern talking to from us, a long time out from playing at deborah's (three days), and from watching anything at all on TV and she had to try to clean it off the drawers and she had to apologize to deborah (and rick?) and we all loved her anyway.

does this mean she'll never use a marker on an inappropriate surface ever again for the rest of her whole life?






what do you think?

Momster me... ROAR!!!

hey it's perfect mom me back from la-la land. back to reality. the reality where i am actually sometimes a monster of a mom. it's really hard for me to admit this into vast open space for everyone one to see, but transparency makes it better for others. (right?) anyway, i had a crappy morning and lauryn was (unintentionally) driving me crazy. a million zillion questions, 90% of which were the single, three letter word question: why? or actually, she says "'cause why?"

it was only about 930 when my little red i-have-had-enough-of-this light started blinking with increasing speed and intensity. 930 AM and i was done. how awful am i?

it was just one of those days when every. single. dogvomit thing was a huge BATTLE! you ever have one of those? is the pope still catholic?

so all this to say that by the time we arrived at our destination at 1145 and i had parked the car and looked around at lauryn and saw her oozing green nose (yummy!) after i had TOLD her to GET A TISSUE AND WIPE IT before we left the house, i snapped like a dry twig. and i said to her, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO WIPE YOUR NOSE BEFORE WE LEFT THE HOUSE, LAURYN?! and i grabbed a wipe with all kinds of malicious intent and reached around to wipe her face. but she pre-empted me and her hand shot up to her face where she began to use the back of her hand to drag that yummy goodness across her cheek. did i already say that i had snapped? because that was a lie. it was at this point that i growled at her and almost screamed: NO!!!!!!!!!!! and she froze. then i tried to wipe the crap off her face and she pulled back (snap! growl.) GIVE YOUR FACE TO ME!!!

can you imagine the scene? and literally, within seconds she was talking and acting like nothing had transpired between us. i mean, about 3 seconds. is she really that forgiving? that innocent? can she actually just let go like that? or will this come up in 20 years on a doctor's couch?

i really hate when i act like that. i was running it over and over again on the loop in my mind for hours after. feeling awful. but then i followed suit and forgave me. i think everyone involved knows i'm not actually evil. not perfect. but not evil either. how about you?

my bug-eyed beaut'

you know how sometimes on tv they have the elapsed time photography of something magical that usually happens in a shroud of mystery, but then they go there and set up their cameras and wait and wait and then we get to sit at home and watch it happen in seconds? (what is that like a 50 word sentence?)

but you know what i mean - the amazing flower going from tiny little bud to amazing burst of color and majesty right before your very eyes. like that.

sometimes i feel like i'm watching that - a little bit, not a lot (kind of like the 2-second loop of the weather moving 1cm on the radar) - with my daughter, lauryn. it's like she's ever so gently, ever so slowly unfurling right before my very eyes. and some days i stand in genuine awe and amazement to see the beauty and the joy that is my daughter. that is lauryn. not my daughter, really - just her very own self.

there are moments when the intoxicating fragrance of her catches me be surprise and i have to stop what i'm doing and breathe deeply. drinking her into my very cells. her laugh. her determination. her spark. those big tropical sky-like brown eyes- mostly sunny and clear, but sometimes uncertain, even rainy. her still-tiny hands on my face, arms tightly clinging to my neck. the actual feel of her skin under my lips. that she still fits in my lap. her delight in living things - especially animals. these are the moments when i feel so tinkerbell-ish; like i've been sprinkled with fairy dust and i really could just float away with my happy thought that is lauryn elisabeth.

she caught a frog yesterday. and i was so proud. i felt like - like i had the coolest kid on the block. did you know lauryn caught a frog? i said to everyone with ears. tell 'em, lauryn - i said almost gloating (i bet your kid doesn't catch frogs.) but not quite (thank god because, really that's not at all what it was about). and she was proud too. she wanted to tell everyone. and she did. and, of course, when our audiences were duly impressed, i would fill in that she catches lizards too. regularly. (can you see the aloof smirk on my face?) oh yes, she really is something else, isn't she?

i love feeling this way about lauryn. i wish it was possible to feel those feelings 24/7 (do i really wish that? i guess that would be nice.) but alas, this is the real world and i sho nuff don't. but for now, let's just revel in this bliss. let's flounce carelessly in the fairytale fields and meadows of the times when we are fully aware of - immersed in - the magic and wonder of our children, for they are not so close together as we'd like them to be.

i'll close with a quote from Anne Lammot's superaweseomgreat book, Plan B (this is majorly paraphrased due to the slow but steady removal of my brain tissue through my breasts over the last 4 years)... blah blah blah here it is: unconditional love is real and attainable, it's just that it only lasts for about 8 to 10 seconds at a time.

NQP Curriculum (Primary School)

i really wanted to show you why i am so excited about this school. Here is the official site for the creators of the curriculum. Specifically, it's the page about the primary school curriculum.

looks doubtful that I'll be able to teach there anytime soon, however, as they have some requirements that I don't currently meet. more on that later. right now, I MUST get to bed.

nighty night.

fairytales for feminists: ode to elisabeth

another one of my agenda's, i guess:

feminism.

really, i'm about "humanism" but sometimes you have to pick a group and fight for them to gain status (africans, for example). and the glass ceiling is real people. lots of women are reaching for the short end of the stick and the don't even know it. what do i mean by that?

settling for mediocre mates.
feeling inadequate without one.
walking out of the room.
believing in an inherant weakness.
forgetting that the divine is equally as feminine as she is masculine.
(are we or are we not made in the image of God(dess) and we ARE women, right?)
and much more!!

so, thanks to inspiration by some forward thinking friends (hey girls!) i have revamped my storytelling so that women aren't always helpless victims that need rescuing by sword weilding, crown wearing heroes. last night i created my ode to elisabeth.

prince rafael always had a hard time listening to his mother. as a young boy, a teenager and even as a young man. (i figure i shouldn't deviate too much from the standard terminology till i'm deeper in the water.) anyway, he grew up well enough and loved to take walks in his vegetable garden. where he grew all kinds of wonderful, healthy veggies so that he could be strong and smart. zucchini, potatoes, broccoli - you name it; (no seriously. you name it! you can put in your own list here). so one day while walking in his garden, poor prince rafael stumbled and hit his head and fell into a deep, deep (deep) sleep.

meanwhile... (i'm enjoying this a little too much, i think)

in the next QUEENdom over, there was a lovely princess called elisabeth. sshe was always kind and good and took good care of her little brother (i'm not kidding. i said that.) she never pushed or hit and always LOVEd to share everything she had. she also had special magical powers of healing. and so people from all over came to her for her to touch them with her kindness and love. (inspired by a story i saw on 20/20 on friday about a living Goddess in india called Amma who hugs people, i also said that princess elisabeth gave the best hugs ever!) but most of all, she LOVED animals. here i listed a litany of every furry, shelled, crawling, cold-blooded, minute, enormous animal i could think of that came to her for healing for themselves as well. (at this point in the story, lauryn enthusiastically interjected that princess elisabeth "is me, mommy!!!") and said that coincidentally elisabeth also had lovely brown skin and dark brown curly hair and the biggest most beautiful dark brown eyes you'd ever seen. so big, i said, she held the world in them. (damn! i'm good)

well, princess elisabeth got word of the tragedy with prince rafael and decided at once to ride on her beautiful mare "midnight" where she was warmly welcomed by prince rafael's worried mom. and elisabeth gained an audience with the (comatose - haha) prince and she gently and lovingly touched his shoulder and he woke up. and he was so thankful to her that they became best friends. and he showed her his vegetable garden and they grew veggies together and took long rides in the coutnry together and loved being with each other so much that they decided to build a new castle together and share their lives together as friends. (i guess i could've thrown some economic justice in but the story was already chockoblock full. i'll come up with another story for that.)

isn't that a nice story? i know i'll tell that one again and again. (if she wants to hear it!) "mom! enough with the agenda stories! can't you just tell me regular old goldie locks?"

just doing my job...

mother to mother

dear mothers,

i am just thinking about this journey we are on as a group and as individuals. i am thinking about the beauty of who we are and what doing with our lives and in our children's lives. i am honored to be a mother and i honor you, mother.

mother.
we are connected, each of us, to the quiet strength of our Mother Earth.
we pass on our strenghts to our daughters, and to our sons.
we are responsible for the coming of a new day; a new generation of human beings.
we are the roots of the trees of our families.
we are the soft place that our beloved comes to rest.
we are the sparkle on the ocean
the light of the moon
the whisper of the wind
the rhythm of the world.

i honor you mother. your strength, your beauty, your love.