4:57, 5/19

i am so exhausted.

i feel like i've been in some sort of twilight zone boot camp for five years. they torture you by waking you up several times a night. they make you do things and say things over and over again for no apparent reason (it never changes anything). you have to have a masters in conflict resolution. you have to have some kind of certification in food and nutrition. oh hell, all kinds of things. so

let me make the list:

psychological warfare
first aid
peer counseling
digestive health (bowel movement analysis; frequency and texture)
terrorist negotiation tactics
getting kids to eat
getting kids to eat green things
sleep clinic assesment technologies (as in how TF do i get this child to sleep through the night?!)
educational institution evaluation techniques for the 21st century and beyond
home repair
stain removal
how to cover up a mysterious bald spot and/or sudden hair loss due to sharp objects

and, oh so many more!

how do people do this? i only have two children in residence and i feel very much like i remember having a mind at one time, but i seem to have misplaced it during the night.

the whining (my FAAAAvorite!), the tantrums (wait, maybe that's my favorite), the hitting, the biting, the grabbing, the jumping on my person (that's ME), the incessant need for juice-not-water... these are a few of my favorite things! when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when i'm feeling saaaad. i simply remember...my... fav... (record scratching) wait a hot minute! nix the sound of music soundtrack. julie andrews the nun i sho ain't!

good grief. i'm whining and tantruming here. well, i guess it is my turn. plus, i'm not piercing ear drums or embarrassing anyone.

i'm tired. so. very.


tired.

and so much more!

Guilt Is A Carnivore

and it's eating me alive.

damn you guilt. why don't you develop a starvation based eating disorder?

or stay with the catholics where you usually lurk?

The Ology

Mostly for my own benefit I need to write out the general meandering path that is my theology at the moment. That is to say, I think I need to clarify my "belief system". (Hmm... maybe i should go to Belief Net and do their belief-o-meter test one more time...)

Anyway, I'm not sure how I'll go about this. Should I list the things that I do believe and/or the things that I don't believe? Why don't i just start. (I mean, there's always editing for crying out loud!)

Let's start with Jesus, since, for all intents and purposes, that is where it started for me (and so many others).

I believe Jesus. (Notice i didn't say "*in* Jesus".) I will not try to argue with or dispute his teachings. For me, they are true true true true true. I mean TRUE!! Was he God? I'm pleading the 5th on that one (meaning - I am not sure). Was he the actualization of a Universal God Potential? I really think so. What do I mean by that? Simply that how Jesus lived (and died) was the ultimate incarnation of Love. (aka "God").

I do not, however, subscribe to Christian doctrine or theology. I don't believe that "the only way to get to heaven is through the blood of Jesus" (may i even risk being offensive and say: HELL no, i don't believe that!!). I don't even really believe that everyone lives, dies and goes to heaven or hell. Do I even really believe in this other-worldly, sky bound destination we call heaven? Not really. Hell? Definitely not. I do believe that we can live in "Heaven" (closeness to God/Spirit/Love) or "hell" (self imposed distance from God/Spirit/Love) right here on Earth.

Which brings me to reincarnation.

I believe in reincarnation. I believe in the evolution of the Spirit and I believe in the evolution of the human species. What I mean by that is that I believe that over the centuries and millenia of human existence, we have been evolving more and more into the image of God. (hang on a second. I got some circular logic racing around my head...) Okay, no. What I think I really mean is that we are born perfect and whole. We are born without fear and judgement (and all the other undesirables that come along with those two mafia bosses of the shadow side.). We are born in Perfect Love, trusting and loving without wanting anything in return. And then as time goes on we learn fear and separation. And our perfect self (our true self) gets buried under a whole lot of shizer (hurt, betrayal, abuse, neglect etc.) I believe that we come back to the Earth again and again (and again) to learn a multitude of lessons to further the evolution of (our) Spirit which never dies.

So I definitely DO NOT buy the story that we are born in sin! (bucket please!) I don't. I just. Don't.

Still, I do think there is a fundamental "flaw" with humanity. I see us evolving out of that, though (by means of reincarnation). Not in like the next 10 years or anything. But we're on the path, I believe.

At the risk of clanging the same old cliche´bell, I really think the problem with fundamentalism in any religious order is that it breeds fear and judgement (same two thugs) which create disharmony. (A la Inquisition, Jihad, Hitler, The Bush Administration... the list goes on.) Once a person (or group of people) believes that they have all the answers and that their way is the only right way that there is.. well, we are in for - to put it mildly - a little trouble. Then it's about who is in and who is out. Who's right and who's wrong. Blah blah blah... (Umm excuse me? I'm not interested, please. Thank you.)

But pick a path we must. So I am choosing Love. Pure and simple.

I am learning (and damn it's a slow fricking process) to love my whole self. I am learning not to judge the parts of me that I don't really relish (oh my God, could i BE anymore forgetful??? or hey, how about that why-do-you-always-want-to-be-right?-ness). If I can stop judging the self within my skin, then I can stop judging the self outside my skin.

Yes, I am alluding to my belief that we are all ONE. OH. EN. EE. ONE. I believe that every single living being is suffused with, immersed in, cannot be removed from The Spirit. (According to quantum physicists: The Unified Field.) I believe that our entire universe is within Spirit's Self and we, therefore, are one with that Spirit and each other.

Think of it this way: If every living thing had a silver chord attaching it to every other living thing, it would mean that one could not act without affecting the other somehow, right?. (One.) It would mean that everything that breathes (is connected) is interdependent, right?. (One.) It would mean that even as the very Earth has been shown scientifically to breathe, it is the Breath of Spirit that unites us all. (One One One!)

I may think that the *$!@&% horrible-name-calling-here who treats his/her kids like shit is separate from me and then judge them for it, but the truth is


i am not


and i have no right to judge because i don't know his/her story and s/he is me and i am her/him.

Everybody knows by now that everything that eventually ends up on a trash heap is as worthless the day you buy it as the day it ends up at it's inevitable final destination and therefore is completely inconsequential. ('djou get that?) After all, wouldn't you quickly give it all up twice over or more to have a loved one survive tragedy? What good is all the money in the world if it cannot undo what has broken you? The only thing that is true, the only thing that is real and that survives is Love. (Truth, Kindness, Trust, Forgiveness, Wholeness...)

So I basically subscribe to any teaching that falls into the category of Love and Truth. All Truth, all Love, all Light is Spirit's.

I believe that Love doesn't do exclusive. Love won't force, but Love won't leave. It cannot. We cannot be separated from it. No matter what.

We have the choice, however, to actualize Love in every moment or not. Simply by being fully present, fully alive, fully aware; living in Love we have to potential to "do greater things" than Jesus. I really believe that. And I guess that summarizes what I believe.

No judgement. Only all acceptance in Love.

Namaste´

Demilkefying

Today is the last day that I will nurse Ryan. I made the decision to wean him. Today is the 22nd and he is 31 months old today. Hey may not be ready, but I am. And then again, I'm not.

This is so much more complicated - emotionally speaking - than anyone who has never practiced extended nursing (beyond the first few months) would be able to understand.

Why don't I feel overjoyed at the thought of FINALLY having my body back to myself?

(hm...)

Sigh.

The Number 2 News

Ryan M. A. Sawyer, also known as "Baby Ryan" is redefining one of western society's most beloved phrases.

Starting with a party in January, 2008 and continuing through the next four to five parties at a variety of venues, Ryan has felt the need to eliminate into his pull-ups at every single event.

It has even gotten to the point where Ryan's weary parents are ensuring that they pack sufficient changing paraphernalia whenever they are taking young Ryan to the festivities the family gets invited to.

At one point while changing him in yet another far removed - usually unaccessible to guests - area of someone else's home, Ryan's mother exclaimed in exasperation: "Why do you always poop at parties?!!" She followed her own rhetorical question with the answer that she needed to provide enough comic relief for this and many other moments to come:

"What are you, a (can you guess what's coming?) ...

Party Pooper?!"

And there you have it, Ryan Sawyer has redefined (or was that the original meaning?) the term we have all *previously* used to describe the would-be goofball who ruins the party.

Thanks Ryan! When it comes to parties, you're our number 2 man!

The Joy Reaper

I have been so so so consumed lately that I have neglected my writing to the point where it seems to be a brownish, mostly dead plant all forlorn in the corner. For this, I am sorry.

But DAMN!! Working full time is ... (how can I say this without swearing?) .. well it's bloody frickin HARD that's what! Man alive. I am almost ready to hunt down a big enough piece of cardboard upon which to paint a sign that reads: "WIll work for silent, alone time." Seriously. (sort of.)

Anyway, as usual, I digress. I am here to talk about the joys not the oh-my-god-how-does-anybody-surVIVE-this?! parts of parenting.

So back to the whole Farming analogy. I just harvested some boat loads of deelicious bounty!!! (It occurs to me as I think my next sentences through that there is a strong possibility that it's modernity and technology that makes parenting so hard. More on that later...)

This past 4-Day Easter weekend was AH. MAY... (wait for it... )






ZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Okay so I still had to tell Ryan like seven thousand times not to touch the "Kill Fuel" thingie which comes just shy of having it's own red light district, yank me please i'm BEGGING you!!! signs all around it. And he DID fall down the "stadder" (perilously steep ladder like stairs) and he did crap on the floor in our cabin and wipe it all over the floor and he DID successfully fall over about 10 times his usual average but he had a lot - and I mean A LOT of fun. And so did Lauryn, and so did Nathan and, yes folks, so did I!

It could have something to do with the fact that we were on a boat anchored just off an tiny island that -for all intents and purposes- was our OWN private paradise for THREE days!!!

When kids can just do whatever the hell they want in the middle of nowhere with no concern in the world - that, my friends - is heaven. Not just for them. Oh no. For us too.

It was brilliant! I was so deeply truly madly in love with Lauryn I almost couln't take it. Ryan was, as usual, his embodiment of enthusiasm, zip, zeal and exuberance. But without the constraints of the Risk Factor. That is, nothing to break or be broken by. (Except for those few impediments on the boat that were briefly mentioned earlier, but it really wasn't as bad as the author made it sound.) And I was able to enjoy him for who he really is. And, come to think if it, so was everyone else.

I am so so so thankful for all the wonderful moments that made that weekend like a beautiful quilt. I feel so... well, squishy and pleased when I think of Lauryn remembering this with great fondness. These truly are the times when I get it. I get the point of the drudgery, of the mundane, of the everyday. That somehow even that is still reaping yet sowing all at once. And every so often, you get to step back and really see the sheer beauty of your life.

You get the message that these moments, like Easter eggs, are tucked in somewhat plain sight just waiting for us to notice them and put them into our little baskets we've been given.

So, yes, I may be distracted by the tears and the fights. By the seemingly endless needs and wants. Sadly and hardest to admit: sometimes I am distracted by worry about the things that I (think I) need and don't have. Yet - I see now - there is so much here already!

And therefore I stand and take a deep bow of gratitude to Life, to Love for so cleverly weaving itself into every facet of being, and then waiting so patiently to be discovered.

... Eureka!

Did somebody call?

Through a serious of un/fortunate events i have found myself exactly where i am right now. That is to say that I feel that my path/destiny/calling/vocation (any word here) has been and continues to be revealed to me. This is good. And hard. I believe I am on a journey that will cost me a great deal of tangibles in exchange for countless rewards of the intangible nature. For whatever reason, I have either chosen or been given this calling and it feels a bit strange.

It's hard to talk about without feeling like anyone listening is secretly rolling their eyes about me with anyone who makes eye contact with them simultaneously saying without saying "boy is she full of it!". Blah blah blah me me me. Come off it cian. Whatever. (All this hype and preamble, I am sure, isn't helping any so I'll get on with it already.)

No I'm not talking about being a mom, although we (mums) all know that to really mother means to trade a shit load of the tangibles for at least the 10th power amount of intangibles. Investing in the future, all that.

I feel like a strong passion about Education. Anybody who knows me well enough to know anything about me (that is, you have to have spent at least 30 minutes with me) knows that i really really really don't like what's happening in schools today. I firmly believe that the current methods of 'learnin our young'uns' is failing miserably. And hell, if you feel that way about something - guess what (Moses)? You'd better damn well get off your keester and DO SOMETHING for crying out loud! So that's what I"m doing: something.

I have a clear vision (mostly) about how my school will look. I mean the buildings (green, of course! (not the color, dufus)), the window placements (unless my learned architect says no way that's dumb), the property size, the class sizes, the children, the ... everything!

No frickin pigeon holing. No cramming heads with useless shit. No forcing kids to pretend to be mini CEO's sitting through ridiculously BO-RING meeting (read: class), after meeting, after meeting. No diagnosing every 2nd kid with AD-anything. No crap food. No pinning kids' personalities down under thumbs. NO. NO. NO.

Yes to teaching autonomy. Yes to engaging on every level. Yes to nurturing Mind Body and Spirit (No to religion!). Yes to artistic expression. Yes to creativity. Yes to finding your own way. Yes to excelling at what you like best! Yes to learning how to care for our environment. Yes to learning self respect. Yes to meditation and silent time. Yes to field trips galore! Yes to experimenting. Yes to failing and trying again. Yes to being WHO YOU ARE not who somebody else thinks you should be.

I've been praying again. And getting answers. (Thank you, Spencer Burke, thank you Brian McLaren, thank you Marianne Williamson, thank you Elizabeth Gilbert, thank you to Kristine Graham, Brandon Bays and The Journey) AND, I've been getting answers!!!. All of these people and more have facilitated my journey (no pun) out of the darkness of doubt and despair into the light of the truth of who we really are; who I really am.

Hamsa. I am That (which is divine)

And this knowledge, this Grace, this faith in the Love that dwells within me (and all of humanity - especially our children) is what propels me on to answer the call. So I stand at the bottom of a gigantic mountain, somewhat terrified about my climb to the top, but focusing on the step I need to make now.

p.s.

i just re-read my post below and realized i managed to make myself sound like i magically morphed into the perfect parent over-paragraph. (NAAAAT!!!)

just this morning is yelled out the door "JESUS H. CHRIST LAURYN! GET INSIDE NOW!!!

i felt i needed to clarify that. and also to confess that i've moved from calling ryan "baby jesus" to calling him "baby pontious pilate". not good.

holy mary, buddah, allah, jah, jehovah, yeshua - everybody! - pray for me now and at the hour of my yelling. amen.

Parenting Is ... (i've got it all figured out, donchayknow?)

my close friend and co-mother deborah and i were talking about the uphill struggle(s) of parenting small children. and we asked questions that were mostly rhetorical but actually stumbled on some helpful answers that came to us from whom i will call our "spirit guides".

she asked "why does anyone actually have children?" and the answer that came to me even as i spoke the words in response was this: (now you have to imagine the clouds parting and god-light rays shining down upon us as we stood, somewhat forlorn and tired in the doorway talking)

it is the most tangible way to change the world.

(and cut!) the angels stopped their otherworldly chorus.

okay so it's not the most brilliant bloody answer in the world, but it helped a little.

the second question was how much of the actual mechanics of parenting was meant to be enjoyable. you know: the ridiculous before-god wake ups, the packing of lunch (picture any mom standing in front of the fridge/cupboard trying to figure out what to put in the box TODAY), the night waking, the tantrums, the baths and unpredictable dinner service (will he eat THIS no? okay. yogurt?), the whole nine yards. how much of that does the average mom enjoy?

well, let me be francesca: not that much.

i like the parts where there are kisses and hugs, laughter and fun, adventures and funny quotes. i like the bonding of nursing my children. i like watching them discover. i sometimes like baking and/or cooking with Lauryn (when i'm not yelling at her about what it really means to HELP MOMMY, dammit!) that kind of stuff.

so i said (queue angels and god-light): that parenting is like farming. a whole lotta waking up at dark thirty. a whole lotta manual labor. sweat of your brow, that kinda thing. a whole lotta watching over and tending to. and then there are the bountiful rewards. the beauty of fresh and perfect. the moments when you know why the dark thirty - or just accept it. the times when the sound of whining and bodies hitting the floor in frustration are far, far, far away from your thoughts. when you child laughs and your heart sings.

so keep on farming and changing the world one hug at a time.

one too many

even though i don't actually feel like i'm dying, i keep thinking that i feel like i'm dying.

today has been the last in a long line of difficult days spanning the last - oh, three or four years. they've not been all in a row mind you. or else i would most definitely be ashes by now. just this was a hard one.

i feel heavy inside like someone snuck up and attached rocks to the shoe laces on my heart. but why? why?

to be honest it's just one of those days where parenting feels like a continuous uphill struggle. one of those days with two, possibly eight too many meltdowns and tantrums. one too many times when i wondered 'how the hell are we going to pay for that?' one too many times when i felt like i'd suddenly been plopped in the middle of no-trucking-where and left with two screaming toddlers attached to my legs. one too many moments where i felt like one person cannot possibly be needed this (GD) much.

i wish i had the answers. i wish i knew everything. i wish parenting could be downloaded into my head. i wish i had enough to pay for the things i think i need. like four new tires and a mechanic to look at that awful bumping sound the car makes when you veer left.

jesus this is hard. but just today. just today.

for me, this has been one hard day too many.


but.



i am gonna pull up my bootstraps (or laces or whatever the hell - maybe shoe buckles, or really stick that velcro closure, that would be the easiest option) and do it all again tomorrow. with vim and vigor. with grace and love. with the knowledge that i have everything i need to do right now. and that that is all i really need.

deep breath in.

and out.

hi, i'm mary and these are my baby jesuses

i have to preface my story by saying that i believe that jesus was some special kinda guy. to say the least. i really think his whole message was "look, this (pointing at himself) is YOU! no, really." that is to say, we are all jesus. we all have that potential. so in that light, i have taken to calling my children - my son in particular - baby jesus.

the reason i do that is because he is actually very difficult to not kill sometimes. i've called him a great many names, but i think that calling him 'baby jesus' will really help me to preserve his well being.

i mean... you know those times when your two year old son .. (hmm? what's that? you don't have a two year old son? my bad. (god it must be nice to have your sanity though, isn't it)).. ehem, as i was saying: you know thos times when MY two year old son grabs every single soliatary thing he can reach (including bottles, remotes, dish brushes, KNIVES, that kinda thing) and runs off and then throws it down on the floor? or when he pulls his sister's hair and grabs the toys she's TRYING to play with just to aggravate her (oh yes, he's calcuating). or when he just says mommy about 367,295,235 times a minute. OR the times when he knocks you - i mean ME - squarely in the eye with his knee or head? well, it's times like those - especially two or three of those random incidents in a row or all together at the same time - that just, well, let's say cause me to have "unhappy" thoughts about my son.

however since the very inspired idea, i have found that i can look below the evilness and see that there really is a pure love underneath it all. i'm sorry, did i say "evilness"? ha ha. silly me, i mean to say "very developmentally appropriate toddler behavior". slip of the fingers there.

though, i'm not sure how helpful it is when i call him 'crazy jesus' under my breath...

(hmm)

chew chew snore

one night ryan was SO tired he could hardly stay awake (we've all seen that before!) but i just wanted to share the video of that. worth a smile at least. :)

One Minute Shift

God's living room

at the dinner table tonight we sat and held hands to pray, like we always do. and lauryn says the prayer (kinda like she always does) and it went a little something like this:

God is good. Thank you for having us. God is in our hearts and in the sky and has really big furniture... (of course me and nathan start to laugh to ourselves then she outs us and says) ... and thank you for giggling... and for ponies and... it goes on for a while with random things and we finally have to sort of encourage her to end.

i just had to tell you about God's really big furniture in the sky. i thought that was funny.

fuming at fumento

i tried to email this letter to mr. fumento but it was returned to me. i feel i have no other choice but to write this open letter on my own blog. (hope you've found this, sir.)

mr. fumento,

re: http://www.fumento.com/disease/thimerosal.html

as a parent who opposes the widespread and irresponsible administration of vaccinations, i came to your site to hear from the other side of the debate. (could it be true that thimersol is not at all harmful???)

i was willing and prepared to read your article about thimersol until i scrolled down and saw the photo you placed of Jenny McCarthy, indicating that her intellectual capacity was the same as her bra size.

how can anyone with even the tiniest amount of their own intellectual capacity take you seriously when you would use such immature and childish tactics to comment on your disapproval of Ms. McCarthy's opinions?

you may actually know what you're talking about, i give you that. but you show a complete lack of respect for other people's right to their opinion, and, by so doing, have forfeited your own.

why am i writing this tirade? you may delete this and never give it another thought. which would be expected.

i think i am hoping to show you that character assassination is not the way to promote your truth. disagree with ms. mccarthy if you choose. but please refrain from digging up old realities in an effort to frame a new one the way you want it to be seen. that is not the way of truth.

cts

On Being Odorous

i smell like rained-on-dirt, onions and crushed leaves.

at least, my armpits do.

and it doesn't really bother me (like i would think it would). maybe i was french in a former life. who knows? but i'm starting to feel like we try too hard to smell like not the earth. i mean, granted, i don't think i'd want to smell everyone with that particular "color" body aroma all the time but on the flip side of that: the obsessive compulsive drive to smell like gardenias and jasmine and floaty yellow things has to be balanced somewhere with the acceptance of our rise from the brown earthiness from which all these other things grow too.

body odor, like so many other culturally uncomfortable things, are a part of life. one more thing to mask and cover up to pretend that we are flowers instead of people.

just a thought...

one of the classics

first of all, i get the feeling that this post is really just something for me to read in a month or two when i have nothing to do and i feel like reading my own writing.

however, if you are not me and you're reading this - that's pretty amazing! welcome.

i just had to share the latest and greatest story as moms often do. and this way i'm not stopping every living, breathing thing to 'share' my oh-so-special story. it's just here and readily available to anyone who wants to know.

okay, setting the scene: wednesday morning, the little schoolhouse, nassau

it was circle time and miss helen was introducing the new topic of the week: compassion. does anybody know what compassion is? she asked. in her words: lauryn's hand shot up immediately. she thinks to herself oh, maybe she really does know what compassion is.

yes, lauryn? what is compassion?

I KNOW! says lauryn with all the enthusiasm and confidence of a brilliant mad-scientist four year old.

it's when you're allergic to somebody. she proudly announces.

in the other room, principal/kindergarten teacher - miss kara - laughs out loud: now that's a classic!

and in the sawyer household: it IS.

leapster CrapStart

i'm about to go can-a-whoop-a$$ on the Leap Frog family of products, just so you know. (like you couldn't tell from my title.)

so i just watched an ad on TV for this leap frog "clickstart" (the title [of this entry] is clickable so you can see the product i'm wail on) and was - once again - disgusted by the shit that is going on with kids today. so the scene is a young boy, about age 3-ish and he's playing on this toy computer. the mom comes up and starts telling him that what he's really doing is learning his shapes. NAAAH! says the boy. the mom presses and tells him he's learning his colors (or something like that) and he says NAAAAAH! and still she pushes and says oh yes, you are learning (get ready for this, it's the big one)

all the stuff you're gonna need for preschool.

did you get that folks? stuff he's going to need FOR preschool.

are these people for real?? SERIOUSLY?! now we need to get our kids "ready for preschool"? it's PRE. SCHOOL. as in: previous to school. the dictionary defines "pre" as: prefix occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, where it meant “before” (preclude; prevent); applied freely as a prefix, with the meanings “prior to,” “in advance of,” “early,” “beforehand,” “before,” “in front of,” and with other figurative meanings (preschool; prewar; prepay: preoral; prefrontal)..

and school (which has many definitions but i've chosen the most applicable) as: 1. an institution where instruction is given, esp. to persons under college age: [eg.] The children are at school. and 2. any place, situation, etc. tending to teach anything.


now we need to get our kids READY for the school they go to, to get ready for more school? so now they need to have all their shapes, colors, numbers and letters down before they go the place that's already teaching this stuff way too early. this is just GREAT.

"Timmy, no pressure or anything but you need to make sure you are at the top of your game for preschool. Can't be a slacker, you know. It's tough out there... So how about them shapes and numbers then." And the best part? Mommy doesn't have to be around.

Now, I can't wag my finger too hard at parents who need a break and employ the EBS (electronic baby-sitter) because that's what NOGGIN does for me more often than I care to admit. But my agenda is not to have the kids "learn something" from watching TV. we all know TV kills brains! (to be honest, it keeps ryan out of my hair for a few moments of peace and no-injuries-involved quiet.) and parents are fooling themselves if they think that buying these ridiculous battery operated "teachers" for their kids is going to help them any. i don't know (m)any adults that absolutely LOVE being attended to by automated, mechanical voices for mere seconds on the phone, let alone that grating robotic voice being your company and entertainment all day. kids need SO SO SO much more than toys that are supposed to teach them something. truth is they don't need that AT ALL. rather toys that will water and fertilize their very ripe imagination.

kids are not people with empty head that need to be filled!!! they have so much to offer our world. they need to be engaged, heard and respected as individuals.

A.S. Neil, founder of The Summerhill School best summarises my not humble enough opinion on what kids really need to foster optimum growth and development of the whole person. (please click the link and read the page. it's well worth it!)

parents, PLEASE - give your kids the best start: ludicrous, ridiculous, scandalous, perposterous, illogical unheard of amounts of unstructured PLAY, PLAY and MORE PLAY! trust me - it's ALL they need!!!

for me, my goal as a parent is not to have (raised) the smartest (= richest) adult on the block, but instead the most whole, happy, well-adjusted, loving, kind person s/he can be. and if my kids are happy 'sweeping streets' (to quote Neil), then so be it. can you imagine what we could do for the next generation if we stop perpetuating the lie that more money = more happiness?

house in a good neighborhood: $300,000
decent transportation: $20,000
being comfortable in your own skin:

priceless.

Ayudame! Rarrr, rarrrr!

Quoted verbatim from my dear son's cries for help this morning as he was helplessly trapped in the dreaded high chair. I sat scarfing my own breakfast when he had finished his and began to call out for help. "Help! Help! Ayudame! Rarrr, rarrr!" (this is the baby jaguar growl, by the way). While I did, indeed, find his situation quite amusing - i was not moved to rush to his aid as I knew it meant that he would then be scaling the mommy mountain to achieve greatness and also a little attention.

On the dark side...

I am stuck knee deep in the thick, quick-sand like mud of unknowing. What am I supposed to do about my stunt double of a a son's infatuation with hitting, pushing and biting people? This, for him, is like joyriding on a Friday night. The only book I have looked at speaks to addressing behaviors like these expressed in frustration on the child's part, but he's as happy as a clam when he's injuring and maming. "NO Baby Ryannnnnnnnnn!" cries sister Lauryn after being hit or pushed for the millionth time that minute. I mean, honestly. How many times can i FIRMLY say (without yelling (98, no 90% of the time)): "RYAN. NO HITTING (pushing, biting)!!!" (even as i type, nathan is out in the living room saying the same "ryan" i use as preventative harmony maintenance.)

Still, he's so funny. He just came in here and told me that he's really fast. As in "Mommy! I ree faaas," But I really DON'T know what to do with his socially unacceptable behavior. is this a phase? Will it pass before his 20th birthday? is there a chance that I could actually pinch (twist, that is) his ear OFF his head? I used to pinch his ear but that was funny to him (sad to Lauryn - go figure) until Nathan demonstrated the evil demon twist and damn near killed me, then i started doing that to ryan. But even that doesn't help. He'll recover from the weeping and wailing and nail someone (innocent bystanders, kids.. whoever!) without remorse.

Hmmm.

Lauryn in the meantime, is absolutely LOVING the little summer camp I've been doing for the past two weeks from the adjoining (or adjourning, according to the Bahamian classifieds) flat. I have to say that I am also really enjoying the group of kids that have been coming to play.

She's so excited about her upcoming birthday. Everything she sees that she'd like to have (yay, capitalism!), she asks if she can have it for her birthday. And I say "sure, dahling". Even though you and I know she's only getting one thing. But it's gonna big a BIG one thing. We're getting a puppy!!!! Not just for her birthday but for other reasons as well. Namely that we (I) really like the idea of a family pet and we need a presence in our yard at night to keep the jonesers (street people) that wonder through our area OUT. They already stole the gas tank off the grill that was sitting by the laundry room.

So, with all the birthdays coming up, I'm sure we're in for some exciting times next month.

If anyone at all reads this (besides me in a couple weeks), I would love some tips or advice if you've had personal experience with hitters/biters.

Until next time (hopefully not bloody OCTOBER!).

let it all hang out. ;)

summer '07 - so far so good

so we're rounding third base for july and we've been having a great summer!

we had our little trip to FL to visit Grandma Peeches for her 50th b-day and that was lovely. And since we got back on the 2nd of this month we've been to the pool or beach what feels like almost every day. (did u get that?) Lauryn is getting her lovely summer brown on. Ry is getting his summer brownER and so am i.

we've had one notable incident though. and that is that lauryn has since recieved two haircuts! TWO haircuts? yes, t-w-o: 2! The first was by her dear friend Will. And the second was by a kind professional who finished up what Will started. The story: Deborah, Alison and I were sitting and chatting (at D's house) and having a lovely visit when Lauryn came out from Wills room grinning eager beaver grins from ear to ear. Look, Mom! She proudly said as she stood not 2 feet from my face. I began to dole out the usual mommy praises (read artificial enthusiasm) for her hair so neatly combed back and then -

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deborah and i saw it at the exact moment together. so make that a double AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Poor Alison was bewildered and confused thinkign something must be desperately wrong (injuries, big scary bugs and such delights). Meanwhile Deborah was up like a bolt and in the room like a flash. Where she found Will, scissors and big clumps of dark curls resting somewhat menacingly on the floor.

I sat fingering the spot that used to be lauryn's hair. It wasn't shorn but it was low. He had basically trimmed all the hair around her face. Mostly the top (giving bangs, i guess) and taken a few bits off the sides. or so we thought... Then i opened up her plait and started finding many more yet unfallen clumps. oh, it was sad saad saaad. but still we managed to giggle under our breaths as we admonished the non-haircutting rules with sternish faces and pointing fingers waving.

righteous retribution? i asked Deborah. After all, Lauryn did cut Sagey's hair a couple of months back. And she (Sagey) ended up with a mangled version of a half mullet on one side. But there were, thankfully, silver linings to be had. Sagey's fix turned out to be a super cute cut that we all ADORE! And lauryn now has 'fringes' in the front which makes it waysuperawesome better for with the swimming because she doesn't have all that hair in her face. (her hair grows forward, you see.)

it seems this whole hair chop thing is a sort of right of passage for young girls everywhere. i, myself, carved out a little patch at the front of my head when i wanted bangs as a little girl of four.

alas, we think it's kind of the story of the summer (so far, fingers crossed) and look forward to splish splashing much much more in the weeks ahead. hopefully i will dig up another nugget of time where i can post again in the near future. until then, live long and prosper. (goofy star trek sign here)